tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79196202428192565802024-02-02T19:04:25.861-05:00A Insider's View of the Autism SpectrumYou often get perspectives on the autism spectrum from a doctor or relative of a person. I use this blog to share the experience of that person. It’s the inner workings and idiosyncrasies of one man’s mind, an Aspie dealing with everyday situations, trappings of the mind, past and current events, and whatever else comes to me when I blog. I’m not quite human, but I’m not quite a robot.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-46454055178728817362015-12-30T10:11:00.001-05:002016-01-01T23:06:09.264-05:00Run/Walk for Autism<div dir="ltr">
Well, I'm back...again...at last.<br>
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So there's a few entries to catch up on over time. First, an event.<br>
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One year ago this past October, I volunteered at the Triangle RunWalk for Autism, sponsored by the Autism Society of North Carolina, who I have worked with since early 2013. It's rather interesting to see families come together for any cause, but the way they take over Moore Square for the race is rather cool. Now I was at it again.</div>
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Difference this time is that I was a runner, so I got to combine my running ambitions with the chance to help the cause. I was captain of a small team for the event that branched off the House of Hops Running Club. At least I didn't have to show up at sunrise this year, but even as a runner I kept looking out for members at the event who I knew or worked with previously. I somehow didn't find too many folks that I was close with at first glance, but I was also trying to stay around my team for the event.</div>
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Then we got to the actual race. Once again, recognized something new as a participant. The instructions were much more clear and not "implied" as they often are at races. This includes having to step between the cones for your chip time to start and instructions on where to expect the turns, including the bend at Person Street. Maybe there were a few high functioning competitors like myself, so they wanted to pay mind to us...like I've said before, we're pretty smart people but do need things explained on occasion. Though I didn't quite notice if there were noise markings closer to the speakers, which blasted music as most races would.</div>
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As for the run itself, I didn't expect to PR (personal record) after a buffet dinner at Tyler's tap room last night, and two beers to boot. Somehow my body was ready and the ladyfriend's electrolyte tablet kicked. My chip time was 22:32, enough for a 7:15/mile pace. Some run fixations I typically have didn't take hold until the second mile, such as looking at my watch to check my pace considering how well I started. Funny thing is that it didn't even slow me down. They also had the usual encouraging spectators at the event.<br>
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Basically, what I like about the event is that it brings folks together for the awareness of autism, but they make the event friendly to those on the spectrum. Many of them are participants (and children to boot), who are in the event for fun or cheering on their own family who run as a tribute. It was great to be on the running side this year, and now I need to figure out which side to be part of again...well, once I'm cleared to run again, but that's another story.<br>
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Now I have a lot more to catch up on with the blog...</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-49310768938081817042015-07-16T23:24:00.001-04:002015-08-09T17:40:45.397-04:00The Education Interest<p dir="ltr">I'm back.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So I was away for a month as I changed jobs and started migration of this blog to a new website. On top of that, a robust social life continues. Generally a lot of things that I could try to use as an excuse for not blogging.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The job I decided upon was a position with an educational testing company for their data integration and reporting needs. A database developer, officially. It really came down to comfort in the job and upside. So maybe this was a good moment to talk about another fringe interest.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I really like dissecting some data for class structures related to K-12 education. Once I learned in middle school that I was going to have classes for each individual subject, I was intrigued by the classroom combinations possible. I wondered what would happen if a student took an additional elective or jumped ahead in math another year.</p>
<p dir="ltr">My fascination was taken to another level with high school. Now that you could choose your courses, what varieties could a student have now? Imagine a student advancing two levels in math, and the types of Advanced Placement courses that could be taken. What if you can choose someone on an art track who eventually does AP Art History to close out, or the science enthusiast who jumped a year ahead but went for just another Honors Chemistry section and could then jump to AP Physics? So many combinations and prerequisites, including the system for grade point average. Honors weighted one way, Advanced Placement another? I began comparing school districts and wondered. I even get to check out demographic data like this for state test scoring reports that states and districts request.</p>
<p dir="ltr">College...that's a beast I never had time to fully tap into with all else happening. I looked at the catalogs of some of the schools I wanted to apply to, and wondered about cliques of students taking different majors. What kind of classes could they take together? How tough is grading? My imagination ran wild at times. I won't get to touch on this again since my job involves K-12, but that may be for the best!</p>
<p dir="ltr">That is a glimpse into my fascination with school courses and even my job. I think I may be able to apply some of it for something good...when the situation calls for it, of course. A lot of what I have been doing relates to test scores, but can expand on this based on the districts. Really, that's how I know I have a shot at really loving this job more than the ability to use my honed skill set. Another victory in this case.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-34119393814207259662015-06-23T17:32:00.001-04:002015-06-23T17:32:07.332-04:00The Young Aspie Parent (An Intro)Well, Father's Day just came and went. Mother's Day was last month. Since the start of May, a few friends have announced that they are expecting their first (or even next) child. One thing that I've always believed is that the most challenging responsibility there is would be fatherhood. You're essentially setting up the next generation by becoming the guiding light.<br />
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With that, there are two words that a woman could tell me which would be <b>worse</b> than my nightmares: "I'm pregnant."<br />
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<i>Why is that so scary? It's kids!</i><br />
I don't want kids right now.<br />
<i>Are you really going to be one of those "I'm never having children" pricks?</i><br />
No, I don't want kids right now, and may not ever. However, I'll do my best to avoid being a douche when talking about it. Having a child at this time in life scares me because I'm not ready. Then I think to myself when I would be ready to unleash my spawn on the world, and how long it may take.<br />
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So it made me think about how a person on the spectrum who just turned 30 could fare if parenthood were thrust upon him. The challenges of trying to raise a child when you hardly understand the body language and will definitely be giving up any sense of control. That's my concern about being a parent...the part that mandates we be empathetic. While I've mentioned enough times that I've improved my social abilities, I'm unsure I could handle it at this point when my world isn't quite settled down. Granted, this is a problem that some neurotypical people face also. However, the way I would handle this stress could involve some of my tantrums from when I was younger.<br />
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I've been so focused on other aspects that family is something I could not attach myself to, and my experience with little children has made me rather squeamish. For some reason I really can't deal with babies for the same reason I struggle with pets, and that's the communication barrier. Plus, not getting much time around them.<br />
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There's still too much to consider if it comes to someone with my abilities having kids, which would run on over too many entries. I'll be talking about this more over a few entries into the beginning of next month. One entry will feature perspectives from those on the spectrum with children. One entry will discuss the aspect of logic in "researching" child rearing. Plus a piece on more of what I don't understand, even my own upbringing. There's a lot worth mentioning about kids.<br />
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As of now, I just had an excuse to use that image.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-63677402219384132372015-06-15T21:30:00.002-04:002015-06-15T21:30:27.438-04:00"Keep Going"<div>
Even Aspies have to keep going beyond their doubts.</div>
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As some of you are aware, April was the start of the SQL New Blogger Challenge. It was a blog every Tuesday during the month. At one point I had sent out a tweet where I referenced the blog challenge having ended.<br />
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I was taking it literally, as the challenge was issued for the month of April. Very much something I would do. However, the point of said challenge was to keep blogging, as notable names (Dwain Camps and Steve Jones, who runs the incredible <a href="http://www.sqlservercentral.com/" target="_blank">SQL Server Central</a>) in the professional network pointed out:</div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/DwainCSQL">@DwainCSQL</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/ceedubvee">@ceedubvee</a> keep going. The idea with <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/sqlnewblogger?src=hash">#sqlnewblogger</a> is to get you writing and keep writing.</div>
— Steve Jones (@way0utwest) <a href="https://twitter.com/way0utwest/status/605546671213125632">June 2, 2015</a></blockquote>
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Okay, so this was me being very literal and believing the actual 'challenge' was over, per the original blog. The thing is, to keep going was the actual challenge subtext. While I always <b>expected</b> to become more consistent with blogging, the point of the challenge, from how I now interpreted this, was to get bloggers started during April and see critiques. Still, the point was also...don't quit. There's always more to talk about. During the month of May, I had hit a dry spell and fell down on the challenge of continuing, taking it way too literally for my own good. So it felt like my motivator was gone, but obviously it's good to blog for more than therapy - rather that others can get perspectives.<br />
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It got me thinking about how "keep going" is a motto that should apply to me often at this moment. Particularly as I go through a challenge for a new opportunity since the old one ended. I did not expect the job search to take me past the end of my severance from my previous job, but then I found myself among greater numbers of competition, and with less total opportunities that fit me. My frustration has increased after going 0-for-6 during the in person interview phase and finding myself not qualified enough for some positions.</div>
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Still, keep going.</div>
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After talking with a couple peers from my profession, I'm about to schedule my 70-462 exam for the MCSA. Yes, SQL Server is on 2014, and we just got the 2016 preview, but it was pointed out that having certification now could work in my favor during this period between jobs. I've noted a few times before that I tend to think about all the accolades too often. However, I definitely can follow the advice here. If I can hustle my way through the final two exams, then this will help greatly, as I haven't heard on when the SQL Server 2014 exams will start. As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm working on some C# and perfecting my Python in the meantime. I am not even close to mastering them, but I've kept going this way I could expand my skill set. More languages will be coming, for sure. The hope is that I can use these skills to be a data architect across a full stack.<br />
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Work is one area of perseverance. There is also the I was struggling to find a way to get support groups started in the Triangle area. The person who was originally going to help me had dropped out a while back, and I put the project on hold. However, I then got some traction after getting connected with a person in Cary and another in Fayetteville. Problem now was trying to get some interest from others on the spectrum who often turn to the online forums more than in person discussions.<br />
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Still, keep going.<br />
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Turns out there are already a couple of them out there from a social standpoint, and I have attended a couple of the meetings to get interest. I got word that the Wake County regional libraries can host us as long as I choose one day out of the month. We're now attempting to set it up with some funding to have a meeting in August/September, since I've reached at least double digits for people interested. I was also able to pivot back to the ability to talk with parents of children, just as I had done once last year. I've been asked to speak at the Autism Society of North Carolina's Transition to Adulthood series for Wake and Orange Counties, after contacting the organizer. To be proactive is to win.<br />
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I think back now to my childhood. When I was diagnosed, the doctors believed I had smarts, but may end up dependent on others because of motor skill deficiencies. I had even less of a grasp on sarcasm then (it's just a tenuous grasp now), and I struggled with interactions outside of my family. Basic tasks like eating did not always come easy, as sad as it could be.<br />
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Still, keep going.<br />
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I eventually learned how to adapt, and channeled that into a college degree, a profession, and writing a blog about this stuff. My parents were able to push me to observe what others did, so I had an idea on customs and how to do basic tasks for myself. If anything, I became more "normalized" in a sense. We know that story.<br />
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You also now know the moral of this blog post, as much as I dislike calling them morals on here.<br />
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Time for me to keep the blog up more regularly.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-42044331630920437582015-05-29T13:31:00.003-04:002015-05-29T13:37:37.508-04:00The Career UpdateSo after being consistent all month and blogging as part of the SQL New Blogger challenge, I let myself down and had yet to post another blog until one month later. Not exactly the best way to help with readership. Then I found inspiration yet again in a break from the job search.<br />
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I've been consumed in the job search and figuring out some personal affairs, which has distracted me from entries so far. The unfortunate fact, however, is that this year is not the same as last year. When I went through last year's search, I had a job ready for me in the middle of May. This time I find myself either too advanced for the entry-level positions, a year or two qualifications short of most senior positions, or beat out by more competition when there is a perfect mid-level position. An analogy that I've considered for the job search is a basketball player with a good shot selection who is a sixth man. In 2014, that's what I was; didn't get a lot of opportunities, but made more of them when I had the chance, and landed that interview fast. In 2015, I've been maximizing my network more and have played like a full-time starter, and now my offense has faltered with the heightened level of competition.<br />
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Now this is where I instead ask the questions.<br />
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One question I have, as someone on the spectrum, is how do people show off a portfolio of work from previous gigs? I've realized that my own attention span issues and fixations on data itself have held me back a little when trying to figure out the ambiguities in my job responsibilities. Even though job performance has never been an issue, I've prevented myself from selling my skills by my inability to define my previous projects with concrete examples on a technical level.<br />
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Better question: how does one sell new skills? I've started to brush off the Java playbook after never having to use it for years, and I simultaneously played around in C# for a little. This was upon my realization that my skill set was more concentrated this time around in spite of my skills with data visualization tools. I asked various recruiters and took a crude sample from job boards to see which skills were most in demand, and that's where C# and Java came up most, especially for positions I began targeting.<br />
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That's all the questions, but then there's the self-doubt on if I should talk about Aspergers to anyone. For the record, this is the first entry I am sharing with my LinkedIn network, which will come with some risk. There's the question on if people believe I will be too literal for a hire, or whether I'll be able to show that I am just as normal as the next person. There's a great book about work among the autistics called <a href="http://www.newnormalwork.com/" target="_blank">The Autism Job Club</a>, which has made for a great reference with its six strategies. It's been a confidence booster, knowing that with the changing technologies I can transform myself with some patience. If anything, you the LinkedIn person who may be reading this could have more to ask me. I'm not sure.<br />
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Then there's the ever-escaping process on how to contact others when you are the type who doesn't know how. I've been doing it with those I'm comfortable with, but then those on my network who I have not contacted in a while (or sporadically contact) has made for a different story. I do not like to blindly ask "is there anyone I know at Company C?" for that seems desperate. However, this assumption could be incorrect. It may be good if I ask who is at a job and could be an introduction. Or to proactively write an endorsement. I've learned a helpful strategy is to comment on a LinkedIn post or even reintroduce yourself there, and then see what happens without sounding like you are the needy one. For instance, I can ask what help is needed on a project. There's a tip in <a href="http://www.slideshare.net/Ahines1/linked-in-ppanthonyhinessoeditsupdated5-28655124" target="_blank">Anthony Hines' Job Search Survival Kit</a> where you increase your LinkedIn presence, and he is right. It's really more a question of how to do it.<br />
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It's been a case of patience, and I am definitely thankful for my network giving me the support necessary, but now I'm thinking I need to use it more while thinking of ways to help those folks as well. I'll still be finding my way for a while, but I like to believe I'm learning from each job search.<br />
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Be patient, self, and keep grinding.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-69016399782380980922015-04-28T20:09:00.002-04:002015-04-28T20:09:54.985-04:00Autism and Information Technology: Big Data for DiagnosisThe final installment of this month's Autism and Information Technology series, and the last part of April's blog challenge (plus Autism Awareness Month). My last three entries were focused more so on people with autism getting into the IT field for careers, including my own journey and my current job search. This time, why not reverse it.<br />
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So how can advances in information technology benefit those on the spectrum? Well, that's a long topic in itself, but a one technology had me curious to say the least. At the end of March I attended a conference called Data4Decisions. One of the sessions at this conference was on big data and analytics transforming life sciences from a patient perspective. A focal point of the presentation came from the Duke University Medical Center, where they discussed <a href="https://today.duke.edu/2014/11/autismapp" target="_blank">a new algorithm to diagnose autism</a> through the toddler's behavior and other data gained on this in-hospice app. The data gained from this technology would be used to interpret if a child could truly be considered on the autism spectrum.<br />
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As we were told at the forum, the behaviors could be mapped to various questions and screening tests. Then the big data part comes into play, which is where I get curious as to how the data is used and programmed. I went through some tests as a child but not to this extent. While I don't know what programming languages are being used here, the data model at hand is another complex question.<br />
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Naturally, I wonder if this technology could be adapted to adults, so that we can understand each other in our interpersonal relationships. Many adults have been diagnosed later in life, particularly over the last decade. There is potential to tweak the algorithms and develop the app to use more verbal functions and continue to break through with big data. With the new <a href="http://dukeforward.duke.edu/news/duke-receives-9.75m-for-big-data-initiative" target="_blank">$9.75 million grant</a> in place for Duke's entire Information Initiative, the possibilities continue. It's how data and information technology can be used to help not only detect if a child is on the spectrum, but how to understand the child as well.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-36038694595299217052015-04-21T20:51:00.003-04:002015-04-21T20:58:06.745-04:00Autism and Information Technology: New Efforts for Kids to Code<div dir="ltr">
So here's chapter three in the blog challenge series. It's a bit rushed since it's the blog challenge and I haven't given myself time to write, but I knew I should still write anyway, or more accurately to advertise for something worth your time and money that I came across.</div>
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A man in Edinburgh, Scotland was concerned that his autistic son would not have the opportunities that most NT people would receive. It is true that most diagnosed autistics are often unemployed or underemployed (I guess I just became part of that statistic, but I've been successfully employed for most of my life). So he started a new effort to help kids with something where demand and aptitude are definitely there.</div>
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Thus we now have this great Indiegogo project to <a href="https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/empower-individuals-with-autism-through-coding">empower kids around the world on the spectrum to become master coders</a>. There's a few reasons this project is pretty essential.</div>
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<li><b>It's a practical skill</b>. As I mentioned in a <a href="http://notquitearobot.blogspot.com/2015/04/autism-and-information-technology.html" target="_blank">previous entry</a>, the spectrum tends to be a logical place. Code is about logic. In this case, the teens get a head start on technology that may not always be addressed in school.</li>
<li><b>The employment problem gets resolved</b>. People can figure out whether it is better to be self employed or under an employer, depending on how the person works. There are new ideas for apps that come out every day. Now they can start making these a reality, much like some of my good friends have done with plugins and apps in their local communities.</li>
<li><b>The kids get some soft skills</b>. The chance to work with these teachers and other students in a one-on-one environment will help with that key communication component. It will help when it comes time for, say, collaborative projects.</li>
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For those following with the #SQLNewBlogger challenge, how does it relate to data? Well, the data is a big deal today. If they learn some languages for apps, then they can take a huge step to becoming a modern DBA. I would think this helps in environments increasingly using open stacks, Java technologies, or even anything NoSQL. A good point for discussion among the professional family.</div>
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I really want to see how far this can go. Any donation helps!</div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-18364999808691251772015-04-14T12:29:00.005-04:002015-04-14T13:00:45.714-04:00Autism and Information Technology: Back on the Job HuntI'll be pivoting slightly in this blog challenge series, as I now need to publicly address a turn in my career and how I'll be doing things a bit differently...in a style that neurotypical people may relate to anyway.<br />
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<a href="http://notquitearobot.blogspot.com/2014/05/career-enhancement.html" target="_blank">At this time last year I found myself looking for a new job</a> after company cuts. Turns out that only one year later, I find myself back in that exact situation. This time, I essentially worked myself out of the job when it was revealed that one of the interface engineer positions was eliminated. My main project responsibilities were shifted to a different team after it was determined that support could just maintain what I helped to build. The other factor working against me was being the greener member of the whole team. People originally expected me to stay a long time (as did I, naturally), but when someone had to go, current experience trumped my potential. I've tried not to be bitter about that, as business is about the bottom line.<br />
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So I find myself, an autistic and an IT person, as a free agent again. I succeeded last year, but this time some aspects are a bit more difficult to navigate. In the last year since joining my company in June, my skill set has expanded. I'm still mostly within the Microsoft stack, but they also used some open stack technologies and other in house solutions. So I picked up some Hadoop and Python along the way for various reasons. I did not do as much on the reporting side versus the job I held from 2011-2014, but I still did work with SSIS and integration. There were even some simple DBA-style tasks in there, particularly involving login security and tuning for our production environments. However, it still wasn't quite enough work doing these new things for the health care industry. It's as if I can say "yeah, I started some of this, and even did a script, but that may be it." Or, as I was told, I can let others know how easy it is to train me; the hard part was getting used to the minutiae of the industry I had switched into.<br />
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Naturally, I go through the phase of asking: <i>what the fuck have I actually accomplished anywhere</i>?<i> </i>I think about how those of us on the spectrum have accomplished big things, but then I go through the wallow where my attention deficit tendencies may have cost me in the past. I compare it to other friends and notables that have not gone through the same thing, regardless of career title. However, this year it occurred to me that I can adapt to trends just like everyone in my profession. Which has allowed me to approach the job hunt differently.<br />
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<b>Continue with what I started learning, while picking up skills in other languages.</b><br />
Not just Python, Hadoop, or other data visualization tools. I'm actually going to dust off the Java and continue to enhance my Linux abilities during my off time when not searching for jobs. Not saying I'll learn everything at once, but I'll see what I get through. I found myself impulsively taking advantage of deals on <a href="https://stacksocial.com/" target="_blank">StackSocial</a> where I figured skills would be necessary. I bought a Linux bundle (where I can fool with it on my virtual box) and one with multiple languages, which should help me do cool things like create mobile applications and even help build better data. I know some of this may be an Aspie impulse, depending on who you are.<br />
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<b>Go to every SQL Server training session I can.</b><br />
Face it, I have to bring up MSSQL because of the origination of the blog challenge, and also that's where my greatest strength has always been since I got a big boy job seven years ago. My debate was always, after taking the 70-461 exam, whether I should take the last two for my SQL Server 2012 certification, or if I should wait for SQL Server 2014 instead. Regardless I am still eager to get the MCSA on my record sooner than later once I figure out the path I wish to take. The good thing is that with a lot of the Microsoft technologies starting to wane (though Azure seems to be the reinvention effort), I'm at least most proficient in the one that will always seem to live on. In the meantime, I'll be attending a few training sessions to pick up skills. I have to stick with the free stuff for now.<br />
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<b>Freelancing again.</b><br />
I did a project for someone in Houston last spring/summer while looking for more permanent work, and I'm looking at going that route again with those I find in my network. Now it's already been noted that it's not my strong suit, but some of the connects I made at fairs and conferences allowed me to thrive some more. I've mentioned many times that I'm a spectrum person who thrives off experience, and this is a perfect opportunity. I also will continue to work on my brother's website, allowing me some Wordpress opportunities if this goes well.<br />
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<b>Autism volunteer efforts continued.</b><br />
Yeah, this is also how I am keeping myself busy, in addition to all of the above, and even the occasional ride share effort. I'm now more motivated than ever to get that GRASP chapter started in the Triangle, especially now that I have someone who will help with the effort. I also might make a turn-and-burn trip out of state to talk with autism researchers (not giving details yet). It's like I'm moonlighting as an Asperger advocate, which will also come in handy with a new story to tell. On some of the Asperger forums, many of us realize that we have all lost jobs, or failed to make ourselves irreplaceable. So my hope is that I can give them yet another story on how I keep getting myself hired, especially for fellow IT people.<br />
<br />
These steps are all over the place, and it's getting them settled and broken into those Will Freeman style segments that will count. Always tough for the Aspie to start, but easy for the Aspie to complete. Information technology is an area where it's easy to get hired and easy to get laid off, and the question is how someone on the spectrum handles it. Considering how recently I went through the same thing, I feel okay about this.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-33420783329704478122015-04-07T14:53:00.001-04:002015-04-14T13:00:54.170-04:00Autism and Information Technology: Answering a Blog Challenge (Plus, Why I Like Data)I have done a terrible job blogging over the last calendar year, like a majority of the population. The motivation to write on a topic I have a lot to say about has been limited, to say the least. I only have sparse thoughts and unfinished drafts. Maybe I'll be doing a work project, or I'll be distracted by my Twitter and Facebook feeds...or even the brain-numbing Buzzfeed list on occasion. A neurotypical ability, too, but considering our attention spans, this struggle is very real for the Aspie. Squirrel.<br />
<br />
Then came four days ago, where I spotted #SQLNewBloggerChallenge on my Twitter feed. I often use my Twitter for both advocacy and professional networking, so it's not surprising how this would come up. Blogger <a href="http://www.edleightondick.com/2015/03/sql-new-blogger-challenge/" target="_blank">Ed Leighton-Dick posed a new challenge</a> to professionals like myself to blog regularly, and many members of the SQL Server and other IT communities began writing new blogs or dusting off old ones. As he said in his entry:<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Noto Serif', serif; font-size: 15.1999998092651px; line-height: 25.5998401641846px;">And what if you’re an experienced blogger? No problem – everyone’s welcome to join the challenge. Join in yourself (maybe to get back into the habit after a hiatus), or offer encouragement or ideas to those of us in the challenge. The more, the merrier!</span><br />
<br />
So now I've decided to answer the challenge. Since we can write on any topic we want, I'm obviously going to stick with this one, and even helping to speak to readers of an Autism spectrum blog on what SQL is...and what the world of data means to someone like you or me. First in a series of posts.<br />
<br />
As many an <a href="http://www.sqlcourse.com/intro.html" target="_blank">introductory article</a> can tell you, SQL stands for Structured Query Language. It is the main language for relational database systems. All the rows and columns you see when looking at electronic tables? Plenty of them used SQL in the background, or some variation on it. Its another development language, in essence.<br />
<br />
So why would I start working with databases over the course of my post-college life? Well, data was always fascinating. I particularly had an <strike>obsession</strike> love of various sports and movie box office statistics. Then I'd start putting these into Microsoft Works forms (you know, before Excel and Access). I played with this information all the time back when we had the old Windows 98 machine at my parents' house. I was curious as to what went behind these.<br />
<br />
I eventually majored in Information Systems during college, considering my potential aptitude for computer work (an entry on coding will be coming this month). One of my stronger courses was Database Appications, and eventually my first "big boy" job at Comcast involved e-commerce data inputs and analysis. So I was able to write a lot of queries, to say the least. It was cool work, seeing the end products show up. There's also a great logical component that I preferred to, say, application development. The latter does require some creativity that isn't always my strong suit, while the former really divides information into rows and columns, and then can be organized by others in complex report formats. Look up OLAP and you'll understand more of what I do for a living.<br />
<br />
Data is fascinating because it's the numbers and logic; I'm curious as to how everyone uses them. I know how I used it all the time. It's something which fits my aptitude as a person on the spectrum in that I tend to look at everything on a linear level. Not saying I'm the best report developer or integration engineer due to this factor, but it allows me to fare better at this versus a position in, for instance, marketing. A lot of things I say come back to some piece of information, which I may repeat many times.<br />
<br />
You know, this challenge is going to be quite fun. I have three more related topics I'll be doing this month, as part of my effort to blog more regularly. To finish up, here's a line Brent Ozar (a very notable professional in my line of career) <a href="http://ozar.me/2015/03/the-sqlnewblogger-challenge-from-ed-leighton-dick/?utm_content=bufferd8e08&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer" target="_blank">used to promote the challenge</a>. Though I may not be following his exact format, this rings true:<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Noto Serif', serif; font-size: 15.1999998092651px; line-height: 25.5998401641846px;">Pick a topic you already know well, something that you believe is completely boring to you, something you think everybody already knows. You’re wrong.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-89787631302139158162014-12-31T15:35:00.002-05:002014-12-31T15:35:51.156-05:00Believe in Asperger Facebook Groups<div dir="ltr">
Often we feel a little lonely and unable to communicate with our peers. That much has always been apparent since before I even began to blog. Hell, I get that feeling when I hang with good friends at parties or other social events, where I drift without butting into a conversation, or I'm not sure what to talk about. So often we need a like-minded group to discuss what is going on and how people on the spectrum can connect. I have joined a few Asperger groups on Facebook over the past year to find out more. What I figured out by last week is that experience is nearly the same everywhere. It's almost always an open forum. Though it's not necessarily a bad thing.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I think each of the groups has a similar objective: to help out people on the spectrum with personal issues or to give them some friends. Also for parents of the children on the spectrum to get more advice on how to handle children based on the experiences of people like me. On paper, it's an excellent concept. Many times we answer questions relating to our own experiences, and share some of our interests and fears. It can be very revealing how we perceive ourselves<br />
<br />
However, I notice something perturbing. There is a common distressing theme of sensitivity and negativity. I see many posts where people declare they are leaving a group for something more open than the current one, or that opinions are vocalized to a point of rudeness. It's as if our lack of filter and our problems with criticism lead people to perceive commentary as inflammatory in nature. Some could argue that we can be really sensitive due to a lack of acceptance in previous years, so every perceived slight is bad. On the other hand, we are so brutally honest as a people that we don't hold back, which can get us into trouble. I often ask people "am I the only one who ____" among a certain peer group because it's fascinating, but I have at times looked either naive or snobbish due to such thinking.<br />
<br />
It would be too simple to ask everyone to be civilized so that we can't be creating so many groups to join and leave. However, what is the key internally is to understand that we will run into these conflicts at another level because we are almost all on the spectrum. There will be fights, but there will also be the constructive conversation from the earlier topic. I'll definitely say that it helped me to gain a greater understanding of how others like me would act in situations. Basically, this entry is asking the question of what pitfalls come about with an Asperger discussion group. That's the greatest construction we can get from all of these, without feeling threatened by the abundance, or lack, of open conversation.<br />
<br />
Let's keep this social outlet active in 2015, even if we can never make these forums perfect.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-28865010406812136422014-09-27T19:38:00.004-04:002014-09-27T19:38:32.593-04:00Salutes and Handshakes Under Pressure<div dir="ltr">
No, I'm not going full political with this entry. Just partial! A news article making the rounds is about President Barack Obama and his <a href="http://instagram.com/p/tS2r-hwina/?utm_source=partner&utm_medium=embed&utm_campaign=video" target="_blank">salute to the troops while holding a beverage</a>. Certain people are, naturally, bothered by this development. I frankly don't understand why it's a big deal. President George Bush (II) held a dog during a salute (which wasn't addressed until it became a counteroffensive to this), and the commander in chief didn't even make saluting a custom until Reagan. There are other issues open to criticism of a country's leader, which is why I had nothing to say on the subject. What this piece of "news" does for me, as an Aspie, is realize how easy a slip of conduct can be taken as an insult. That, and how hard it may be to have an autistic president.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
The President of the United States has to deal with multiple issues happening at one time. Not that I know what the job is like, but the sensory overload is pretty huge from all accounts. When you're trying to meet with someone over important matters, it is easy for one to be unable to watch his or her candor. I'd have to command the armed forces, task my staff and the Veep with federal departments, and then assist Congress in getting deals done, which can be complicated by the majorities of each party (what every president went through at some point). I relate this differently to being the Chief Executive Officer and being an Aspie, as the CEO tasks are usually insulated to the company itself and the agreements with other companies and markets. Still very complex, but to me it seems more manageable and has slightly less of a public spotlight versus other cases.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Going back to the salute issue, I can relate. There was a moment a few years back where I attended a gathering of spectrum teenagers, and I was one of the panelists/speakers. I had to run out to catch my train at the end of the session, and while rushing out I shook hands with the owners who let me present. My last handshake, with the event organizer, was rather quick as I had to run along; almost as if I slapped his hand away. Apparently one of the people who also joined me was annoyed that I made my handshake so quick. She asked me the next time we met why this was, and quasi-lectured me that they were thankful to put us on. I explained the situation to the organizer in a thank you note, noting that maybe I should have taken a bit more time on my handshake in my mission to catch a train. That being said, I did have my reasons for committing an unintentional faux pas. Thankfully, I was clear with the organizer on my gratitude for the event.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I have had other similar moments in my life where I didn't understand the ramifications of missing a social convention, even down to quickly under-tipping a pizza delivery man. However, this first one comes to mind because the two events seem rather similar in nature. Often we have the main objective in mind, and these social conventions become secondary. Once again, I don't think President Obama is on the spectrum, but it's similar to how we occasionally deal with other things loading our minds. I do not envy the responsibility of being the elected leader of this country. The nervous breakdowns would make for some serious public fodder.<br />
<br />
That all leads me to ask, how would a president on the spectrum handle major conflicts?</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-70130405082844703522014-07-27T20:14:00.003-04:002014-07-29T21:31:56.215-04:00Recapping a Speaking EngagementEarlier this month, I was in Philadelphia for a weekend trip. Hadn't been back in nearly six months. The reason was an autism awareness benefit put on by members of the city's hip hop community. Two of the event organizers have children who were diagnosed with ASD, both younger than 10. My brother was one of the performers that night, so he had requested my presence. It was an opportunity to speak to others while providing some hope for the organizers, that many of us can make it in the world.<br />
<br />
The event was set up to give to a local group called <a href="http://www.goals4autism.org/" target="_blank">The Big A Foundation</a>, a camp for autistic children focused on sports and arts. The founders were in attendance, though I unfortunately did not get much time with them. Though if you're a Philadelphia area reader, check them out for yourself. While having not worked with them personally, the focus of the camps and discussion with one of the parents definitely provides enough of an endorsement.As all proceeds went to the group, they eliminated the guest list as they have at most music events, meaning everyone was to donate...a good plan if you ask me. Allowed for nearly $1500 to come in for the night.<br />
<br />
My piece kicked off the show. Below is a loose transcript for my speech (I went off the cuff slightly):<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>Here I am standing in front of a
crowd of hip hop heads for an autism awareness night event. If you asked me if
I’d ever do public speaking, I probably wouldn’t think of this. Then again, I
probably wouldn’t think to be my current life situation, having slowly left my
comfort zone over the years.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>You see, I was diagnosed with
high-functioning autism at the age of four. I didn’t really talk much, I lined up my toys by colors and sizes as much
as I played with them the way they were intended…I loved building blocks for
that reason. I ran around in circles aimlessly. Once I was diagnosed, my
parents ran into a paradox. Their concern was taking care of me into adulthood,
but at the same time psychologists were noting that I was gifted and could
attend some of the best colleges.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>I first went to a special education
class in kindergarten and first grade, where my social and mental abilities
could properly develop. It was essentially where I got to interact with other
kids and not experience the initial pressures from hanging with peers. It was
then determined that I had progressed enough to leave special education for the
regular classroom. Along the way I exceeded the expectations of many,
graduating high school sixth in my class, gaining a full scholarship to Shippensburg
University, and then graduating with honors distinction and landing a nice IT
job, eventually leaving the Philly area for Raleigh, North Carolina in 2011.
I’m now enrolled in the MBA program at North Carolina State, and by the end of
the year should be a Microsoft Certified Database Professional.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>My timeline has been solid, and I’d
like to believe that I’m one of the stories of someone who made the best of
ASD. However, let’s be real…there is always doubt on how well a child on the
spectrum will turn out. Some need longer time in life skills classes, or to go
to vocational schools. Some may graduate from college but struggle in the job
market, and realize that it’s similar to most other folks. It’s hard to say,
but the key is learning now. This way when you see me today, I’m merely up on
stage as an eccentric bozo, and not an alien life form.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>What helped me in a big way was the
network. Family. Teachers. Psychologists. Even my peers as I got older and more
comfortable with my diagnosis. They didn’t see my autism as something to be
cured, but rather to be embraced. My ability to work logical equations has led
to a fine IT career. Hell, I make a great bar trivia partner with my random
sports and entertainment knowledge from reading so many Box Office Mojo and
Billboard charts. What the kids who are different need is a network to express
themselves and not ridicule them when they do something different, but to
understand why they do it, and help them improve.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>This isn’t to say I became someone
really hip. Never a word that can describe me. For instance, I love hip hop,
but I cannot recall 90% of the words to any songs, because there is so much
overload. I know bits and pieces. However, it’s an instance of wanting to fit in
every time I fake it, before someone like Mike can tell me that I’m doing it
wrong. We’re also mostly Literal Larry, trying to think we’re in on the joke,
but that’s about it. Once I figured out sarcasm…I didn’t get better. However,
time and patience allowed me to get a better idea, and being honest about this
shortcoming. Most importantly, we’re not social. We’re a bit withdrawn, but
that’s because sometimes there’s so much going on that we gotta get out before
we explode. I love live music because of the distraction. I hate clubs because
you’re fighting everyone else. I didn’t get into live music until I was a
teenager who was less sensitive to the “loudness” of concerts.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>You can see so much potential. I
recall 2010, going to meet with some kids brought together from Philadelphia
schools. Seeing other children on the spectrum gave me a greater perspective on
how I could help them. Along with playing with the children in groups, we asked
them about their dreams and goals. One kid, a ten year old named Alan asked me
how to get along with others. I admitted that it was a bumpy road, and others
in his school probably wouldn’t know any better, not at least until he got to
college. I said that what matters is the end; it’s not easy, but what others
think is not what matters. There will be awkward moments, but if you embrace
them and work on them, without forgetting to stay true to yourself, you will
gain the respect of others. I knew that even with all his mannerisms, he has
the potential to be someone amazing.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>As the great philosopher, the Sage,
the non prophet Paul Francis once declared, “I am different, in a different
way. The only thing that stays the same is change.” That’s essentially who we
are, where our differences are not really everything you expect, and that we’re
still all humans. Basically, we’ll have to work harder in some areas, but we
also have the ability to succeed at anything we try. Our brains are merely
wired differently. People call each other weird all the time, but not everyone
fits the weird you think. The autism spectrum is something to care about,
because these are people who can still do great things like everyone in this
building has done tonight. Autism doesn’t make a person incapable of life; the
person just needs to be embraced in society like anyone else. All we are is a little different, but we're all human.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>Thanks for coming out to support
the spectrum!</i></div>
</blockquote>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6V9wy1_yljMqAO0dDhdOcsoFL_znDaw1O8v9HOotncohT2qndpZh5KBMzLUvqth9oUEFzNkaKHNn_cQPtTuUODnRntCm2s0If2D4fA1h7WuMGocLKXJ8TpvjdpPx2ign4eGgbqJZ9Lv8a/s1600/10446666_10100380423535466_2939422975875356043_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6V9wy1_yljMqAO0dDhdOcsoFL_znDaw1O8v9HOotncohT2qndpZh5KBMzLUvqth9oUEFzNkaKHNn_cQPtTuUODnRntCm2s0If2D4fA1h7WuMGocLKXJ8TpvjdpPx2ign4eGgbqJZ9Lv8a/s1600/10446666_10100380423535466_2939422975875356043_n.jpg" height="320" width="319" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Speaker in action.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
This engagement was. Props to <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thefirephilly" target="_blank">The Fire</a> (the host venue), <a href="http://recraw.bandcamp.com/" target="_blank">Rec Raw</a>, <a href="http://reefthelostcauze.bandcamp.com/" target="_blank">Reef the Lost Cauze</a>, and my brother <a href="http://voss.bandcamp.com/" target="_blank">Mike</a> for making everything possible, and for the conversations. My expectation is that I could give hope to the parents with young children and much uncertainty.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-39811969304062352112014-06-21T16:44:00.001-04:002014-06-21T16:44:12.770-04:00Quick Thoughts: Coming Out Autistic?Somehow I only manage monthly entries lately. Yet this is a topic I needed to touch on.<br />
<br />
With the story about Michael Sam publicly announcing to the world that he's gay before the NFL draft, he's taking a commendable risk that the league is ready. We'll see if he plays well enough to earn a spot on the St. Louis Rams' roster. More than anything, this story shows how much progress we are making as a society towards accepting homosexuals. They are human, just like we are, and should be treated as equals.<br />
<br />
So that brings me to this thought about another type of 'coming out' that flies under the radar, to an extent. People who reveal themselves to be members of the autism spectrum, or Asperger's at the very least. In September, actress <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/emilywillingham/2013/09/29/wall-street-actress-daryl-hannah-also-autistic-woman/" target="_blank">Daryl Hannah opened up about her diagnosis</a> and how it made her terrified; in some ways it stunted her career because of all the anxiety. One thing I admire is how one of us can pull off an acting career, which requires a lot of patience and presence. It may help when it's rehearsed lines and imitations of favorite actors. We mimic well.<br />
<br />
Nowadays there are more people who are admitting that they are on the spectrum as the stigma has eroded. That being said, my concern is one about people overdoing the diagnosis and admitting to something they may not have. I have previously addressed a fear that too many individuals are claiming to be on the spectrum, although there is no verification, just the signs mentioned on the internet that are often co-opted by people scared of all forms of autism. Regardless, we can still take pride that people are less afraid to admit to the spectrum diagnosis, realizing the endless positives that come with the spectrum. People became comfortable once they noticed that it wasn't so scary, but rather just a different wiring internally.<br />
<br />
It's a good trend to see people "come out" on the spectrum, and I hope it continues to be positive.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-78054015606123178542014-05-16T07:13:00.000-04:002014-05-17T08:24:39.656-04:00Career EnhancementLast month, my company went through major downsizing, losing well over half our workforce as a result. That included me as part of the purge. My employers didn't <b>want</b> to drop me, but they could only keep so many essential employees who had a role in the still-existing initiatives. So this is basically another <a href="http://notquitearobot.blogspot.com/2011/05/switching-employment.html" target="_blank">journey in between jobs</a>; I doubt anyone likes not being able to leave a position on one's own terms. I definitely don't like the pattern of this happening. However, I'm confident in my ability to land on my feet sooner than later. It just takes a lot of effort, to say the least.<br />
<br />
One thing that many of us on the spectrum struggle with is, to put it bluntly, networking. We get nervous on having to talk to strangers and folks we don't normally interact alongside daily. It has taken me some effort to talk to a few contacts that I haven't been in touch with for some time, to explain my situation, and then see what they can do for me while asking about return favors. Similar situation to obtaining two of my three references for graduate school. After a conversation with my mom one afternoon about the hunt, she asked me about resources I potentially had not tapped. I then found a great article on <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2014/01/05/how-not-to-reconnect-with-an-old-contact/" target="_blank">how not to reach out to contacts</a>, and attempted to do the exact opposite. There has been some success so far, as I have a few interviews which kept me from finishing this post. I've had big interviews this week, and another major one on the way.<br />
<br />
During this time, however, I'm also taking advantage of opportunities for training. I will be attending a state scholarship session next week to find out if I can secure the necessary monies to take part in MCSA course training for at least one of the three exams. During the summer without MBA classes, I figure I should finally take advantage of this and possibly get discounts on the exams themselves. Then there is also the community. I did some increased volunteer work with the Autism Society of North Carolina and was able to share information about my search while I was at it.<br />
<br />
So how do I relate this to Asperger's? Simply put, networking is difficult when you don't want to make a bad impression, and training is hard to approach without assistance. We often doubt we will find ourselves in a good employment situation, not even realizing the skills we possess beyond the logical. Soft skills get developed over time, but often it comes down to the what and what not to do tutorials and examples that I shouldn't rehash on here. There are <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/asperger-syndrome-and-employment-nick-dubin/1029489329?cm_mmc=googlepla-_-book_25to44-_-q000000633-_-9781843108498&ean=9781843108498&isbn=9781843108498&r=1" target="_blank">two</a> <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-complete-guide-to-getting-a-job-for-people-with-aspergers-syndrome-barbara-bissonnetee/1112790604?cm_mmc=googlepla-_-book_15to24-_-q000000633-_-9781849059213&ean=9781849059213&isbn=9781849059213&r=1" target="_blank">books</a> worth checking out regardless of industry, if having doubts.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, there has been a ton of encouragement, and blogs presented by friends who are totally neurotypical (check out <a href="http://reinventyourwheel.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Reinvent Your Wheel</a> and you will be encouraged) on to all of the spectrum entries from the past have helped. I have also remembered a couple pointers from a previous GRASP Philly session on employment, where a career coach helped answer questions like the ones above: to keep eye contact and remain natural. It just takes some time and some patience, as I'm finding out now that the jobs are interviewing for me.<br />
<br />
UPDATE (5/17): A great company presented me with a great offer. We come full circle.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-45247323064627587552014-04-13T22:51:00.005-04:002014-04-13T23:48:44.915-04:002014: Back from Another AbyssSo I'm back.<br />
<br />
I haven't blogged in four months, so my apologies to the few of you who read this all the time. Right now I shall just provide a life update, as there are a few topics for me to touch on in the next few months.<br />
<br />
Life has already changed in 2014. I went to Las Vegas in March to celebrate a good friend's bachelor party. This is certainly a place with bright lights and cliches, and I was surely concerned that I could embarrass my friends with an overload moment. Somehow, this did not happen. There are many bright lights around Vegas, but over the years I have managed to become used to big places and scenery. The hardest part for me was concern about some of our friends being left behind when we were rolling from place to place, which nearly made me frantic, especially the second night. I attribute this to enough life in the city and having been to clubs before. I still hate the club for the most part, but for the Vegas experience I had the adrenaline rush behind me. What may help someone on the spectrum get through this environment is basically a quest for fun. If you know your friends are having fun and there's just enough room to breathe, then you will likely be okay. This doesn't mean the club and the party bus are for everyone; I seldom do it. However, it's really a matter of blending in to larger environments, and if you can handle all the adult entertainment.<br />
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Speaking of bachelors, yesterday was his wedding. Being a part of a wedding party for the first time lead to plenty of online research and questions for the other guys on how to play the part. From what I have gathered, many people on the autism spectrum don't consider wedding parties or weddings; we struggle enough with relationships. What helps is that I was able to go along with what my friends did, picking up on small cues like how they would handle their toasts and asking questions about how to stand when the ceremony starts. I was the youngest in the wedding party, and I'm not as annoyed by others advising me anymore, so this was surprisingly easy. There are occasions where I need people to tell me to act, as I'm still figuring out various social environments even on the cusp of 30.<br />
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Basically, a lesson from these events is that going with the flow can actually be a good thing, allowing you to have your moment and look like one of the group in the process. Probably helped that I've matured over the years to merely look like an eccentric rather than a nut. Also, in the case of weddings, the key was remembering that the event was not about me, but about two great people joining together in matrimony. Now I feel more at ease about all the other weddings I am attending soon.<br />
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My job situation is changing, I'm attending more professional events to help my career path, and I have some more trips planned. First semester of graduate school is wrapping up, and I'll go for MCSA training over the summer. Another big help for this next step in life.<br />
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Better updates are coming.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-25805507593707327702013-11-18T22:23:00.001-05:002013-11-18T22:23:13.090-05:00The Social NetworkSo I'm back after four months of, well, not blogging. Got caught up with everything else in life. I completed a sprint triathlon, continued to get the ball rolling on a Raleigh-Durham GRASP partnership chapter, attended a database summit in Charlotte, prepped for my MCSA exams and the upcoming MBA coursework, and began playing in way too many fantasy football leagues for my own good. Last but not least, I had many fun weekends with friends in the Triangle.<br />
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Lately I have told myself how thankful I am to have the amount of friends that I do, and that most of them are legit. It's a great feeling, because somehow I'm merely an occasional eccentric who puts his foot in his mouth, or a live representation of a television caricature at worst. When I consider how difficult it has been historically for me to make friends, this sort of thing makes me that much more thankful.<br />
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Moving to a different state was hard enough, as I chronicled before. I did not know anyone in the Triangle; in fact, I only had Lindsay as my NC connection and she was nearly two hours away in Roanoke Rapids. I knew that this could potentially lead to me actually recognizing that I was alone, something that Aspies often worry about but I had become unfazed by through my own introversion. How was I going to meet people and potentially make friends, and even more so, find places to explore around Raleigh, Durham, and surrounding areas? I decided to take the route that was perfect for an Aspie like me who likes predictability and more homogeneous settings: the social website <a href="http://www.meetup.com/" target="_blank">Meetup</a>.<br />
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Living in Philadelphia, I still had my network in Levittown and the college friends I kept in touch with had remained around Pennsylvania and Maryland; I also had coworkers and other professional associates who were part of my generation. I didn't think I had reason to join Meetup back then. This time I decided it was worth joining for people with interests. The part of North Carolina I live in consists of many young professionals and graduate students who relocated from other states, just like me. Maybe there were groups specific to those types, and I made note of that as my top priority. I next added my interests on the site, like most people, which included autism. Found an Aspie group as well.<br />
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My concern about the autistic community is that we can easily lose ourselves in the online world <b>without</b> actually going to meet people. C.S. Wyatt, whose <i>The Autistic Me</i> is among the best blogs I have read, produced a great post on a person, a "<a href="http://theautisticme.blogspot.com/2013/09/paying-for-friendship.html" target="_blank">lonely Aspie</a>," who was spending nearly $200 weekly on camera chats with females and game forums. An expensive habit. What Wyatt says is advice that is tough for us to give our fellow spectrumites:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>His friendships and his "relationships" aren't real. They just aren't, at least not in my view. He argued that his friends were as real as mine. "[you] don't have that many followers or friends," he pointed out to me. "I have 700 friends on Facebook and over 1000 Twitter followers. You don't." </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I was at a complete loss for words. Yet, because I can't keep quiet when I should, I reiterated my belief that to make real connections, you have to leave the virtual world. </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Lonely Aspie didn't like my advice. He didn't want to meet strangers at concerts, parks, or elsewhere. He didn't want to use Meetup.com or Facebook to find groups with interests similar to his. He actively resisted my suggestions, and seemed set on spending his money on games and cam girls.</i></blockquote>
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It's possible this person would not join Meetup due to the requirement of meeting in person. I guess I can understand that, but with my own story (and my own issues with empathy), I am not certain why someone feeling lonely would not want to use that as a network to make friends. If I'm the only one at an event just stalking there, hoping to see someone for conversation, it doesn't feel right. Okay, sure, I'm like most guys who will occasionally attempt to pick up a female at the bar. However, it's not an easy game when you're going off looks alone (it's cocky, but I believe myself to be a fine looking yuppie); this is what makes online dating much more productive. Same goes for groups meant to make friends or professional connections. Wouldn't something as organized as a social group be easier?<br />
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I guess my relief is that I found an easy way to make friends, and got out of the inevitable shell the best way I knew how. It's why Meetup, Facebook, and OkCupid are great for autistics looking for professional, social, and dating connections, but sometimes we get so scared of embarrassing ourselves in person that we turn away. It's rather dangerous if we trap ourselves.<br />
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Besides, social media <a href="http://stateimpact.npr.org/florida/2012/10/10/social-media-helps-student-with-autism-find-his-voice/" target="_blank">can help promote worthy causes</a>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-81075896189253127342013-07-20T14:53:00.000-04:002013-07-21T15:12:13.817-04:00Culture ShockSo we've reached the point where two months ago, I left for Europe on a two-week vacation. It was quite an experience to say the least, especially going on the trip alone for the majority. Almost felt like a pilgrimage at points. As part of this trip, there were a few moments where I felt rather awkward, or made the worst of the situation. Three I can point out.<br />
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<b>Street Vendors</b><br />
While walking through London, I found out exactly how pushy some folks can be. There was a woman attempting to sell me some rosary while I walked around town. She says to me "would you care for a rosary in the name of the Lord" and walks directly up to me...as in trying to shove the rosary into my hand. My friend who was giving me a tour of the city tried to get me out of the way, but in the ensuing confusion I ended up dropping the rosary that she had tried to place in my hand. She then says "that's not a polite thing to do!" Of course, we kept walking on, but I still could not escape a major sensory overload. It turns out that vendors around England's major cities will really push products on you, which I never would have assumed before. It's a different country in a different continent.<br />
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<b>The Bus Fare</b><br />
When I first arrived in Scotland, I needed a bus from the town center to my flat. When I went to pay the bus driver, I attempted to get a day pass but somehow had dropped a 50 pence coin and no longer had the exact change. Of course, I could have bought a return ticket and had enough change, but I really planned on a day pass so I was frustrated at the missing piece to get me to the 3.50 necessary. So of course, I decided to suck it up and ask the patrons on the bus if anyone had 50 pence, without any shame whatsoever. Ridiculous of me, maybe, but it reinforces my own principle about having a plan in mind. Not my best moment in holding up a bus over change.<br />
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<b>Airport Security</b><br />
This one is more like two moments: when I attempted to board flights to Edinburgh and Belfast, respectively. With Edinburgh, I had forgotten that my luggage was strictly carry-on, and thus my toiletries contained full-size items. One of them was my aftershave, which I nearly had a conniption about when security informed me that it would have to be disposed of. I will say that my deodorant was what I cared about more, and nearly freaking out and becoming a flight risk for a matter of seconds likely led to them allowing me to at least keep the deodorant. The aftershave was already two-thirds gone, so it wasn't a terrible loss. I could handle that in retrospect, but in my mind I did not expect to lose anything. I was kicking myself for not thinking.<br />
The other one was something many people have gone through, almost missing a flight. I barely made my plane from Birmingham to Belfast after not giving myself enough time to get between places. So when I was in the security line, my way of getting attention was to jump up and down as if I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't really know how to get someone's attention. In this case, I did not have a conniption, but I did get someone's attention, and explained where I had to go. At most, I only sounded like a stressed out patron. There wasn't much to report. I thanked everyone at the airport for helping me get to my flight right on time before closing. It was only the attention moment that was likely decisively Aspie in nature.<br />
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The trip was indescribable, but spectrum people like myself will take notice of the ticks that can occur anywhere one goes, abroad or local. I have many an everyday moment, but sometimes these happen when traveling.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-68066956846671273362013-06-01T11:29:00.001-04:002013-06-01T11:59:13.666-04:00Autism and ChurchI haven't given myself the opportunity to post, as I returned from my European vacation on May 19, and then got good news from North Carolina State about their MBA program (I applied, and I was accepted). In the meantime, I present <a href="http://crossmap.christianpost.com/news/autism-and-the-church-how-to-serve-autistic-children-2482" target="_blank">a great article about the spectrum and church</a>. Hopefully I can finish my post concerning trip anxieties this week!<br />
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I'm not religious, but there is a good point raised here for those that are. The church, which is supposed to be a welcoming body, can do small things not to change their whole program, but to help the spectrum child feel included and not uncomfortable. Of course, the child could be like me and ask questions, but this isn't a skeptic forum. Enjoy the piece.<br />
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I also really want to knock that guy who wrote the comment off his block.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-30792411678328874042013-04-24T22:01:00.001-04:002013-04-26T07:51:08.391-04:00Dissecting a Creepy First Date Email That Sounds Like It's From an Aspie"You're a good man, but you're bad for the women you choose to date."<br />
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That's what I was told the other day when I caught a friend up on the details about my dating life that I felt like catching him up on. He's a spectrum person like me, and was asking me about dating experiences (maybe I'm still the "<a href="http://notquitearobot.blogspot.com/2010/08/resident-player.html" target="_blank">resident player</a>" among Aspies and high-functioning autistics, though I sure don't feel like it). His belief is that my looks and initial charm rope them in, until they find out exactly how logical I am. Okay, so I have been seeing one girl regularly, and I'm putting more energy into that relationship than first dates, but I'm also still figuring out what I want post-Lindsay and can't settle until I know I've achieved professional goals. So here's what you'll really be interested in...</div>
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I did a random Google search about terrible first dates after talking to him, and found this <a href="http://mix1065fm.cbslocal.com/2011/12/09/heres-the-creepy-email-a-guy-sent-a-girl-after-one-date/" target="_blank">email that a man sent after a first date ignored him</a>. It's a 1600-word message that may be cringe inducing to some, but I didn't think of it like that (rather, I was once cringing at the fact that he even hit 'send' after writing his thoughts). I looked at it and realized that his thoughts were indeed more similar to mine than I expected. I cannot help but think this guy would be similar to me. Lately, after my last two first dates, I asked them point blank if they actually wanted a second date or if they planned to let me down nicely; calling their bluff if you will (both times that was the case, and I don't think my question had anything to do with it).<br />
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So now I break down this email and where my thoughts on dating are similar, or different.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email.
</i></blockquote>
Well, that's a strong way to start...not a positive strong, but a harsh strong, yo. It's true that these are impersonal, but sometimes it is our best way of starting out communication. That's why I've become okay with text messages, as my words are ever so slightly clearer via messaging versus using my voice and thinking two sentences ahead about what I will say. However, every time I have told someone important to me "we need to talk" we actually talk, just because it's common courtesy. So that would be a starting point, but "can we talk" would have sufficed.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>By the way, I did a Google search, so that’s how I came across your email.
</i></blockquote>
Hey, I do Google searches too, because knowledge is power. However, I don't stalk to the point of finding her email and telling her how I found it. That was one thing I never had to learn the hard way.<br />
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His first two signs of "mixed signals" during the date:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
<li><i>You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a Google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I've never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.</i></li>
<li><i>We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.</i></li>
</blockquote>
To be fair, yes, they are signs which I pay attention to, and I felt bad for the guy here. I'm not used to women playing with their hair out of boredom, but rather playing with their drinks or looking at their cell phone after 40 minutes. Since I'm relatively terrible when it comes to body language, I have to go on the basis of the tips they provide us in Google searches. They also claim fiddling with jewelry as flirtation or nervousness, which has proven true every time for me. As for eye contact, I certainly focused on that often; if I lock eyes I'm more likely to keep her around, unless I'm the one disinterested (which has happened...I'm single, not desperate).<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don’t go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I’m curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).
</i></blockquote>
Of course, I'm not in the market for anything monogamous. However, I wonder if something halfway between his above statement and "yeah let's do this again" should be brought up right at the end of the date. Obviously, I want a first date to turn into a series of dates until we decide it won't work. She's free to leave when she wants. However, I will not lie, as I have sent a text after first dates in the past, about a week later, just to check in about date two before finding out one of the possibilities. The only part that bites is when they stop texting back, so I keep myself from going off and hating:<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WFR4PPxp2z8" width="560"></iframe>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we're both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn't be seriously involved with a woman if she didn't like classical music. You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests.
</i></blockquote>
Another legitimate question that was probably covered during the date. It's one thing that has frustrated me throughout my relationships, and even with girls I have dated over the last five months. Trust me, I want a girl to like good music (and if she agrees that <a href="http://youtu.be/fAgPPoPBXQg" target="_blank">Nick Drake's "Northern Sky"</a> should be our song, then I might start ring shopping early...haha). I also want to share in other interests when possible. I dated a girl I met through a mutual friend for three months, and she helped get me even more into biking. Her and I may have ended our romance, but I realized that I sure want someone who likes bike riding if I'm going to go next level. I digress; I think Mike's point is worth bringing up if Lauren wanted an extended conversation without being prompted by that email.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn't find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date.
</i></blockquote>
The best flattery I have received by most women is that I look a bit like Ryan Gosling, except that I'm a bit more like him in Lars and the Real Girl versus a film like Crazy Stupid Love. I'm confident that looks have gotten me halfway, and that every female thinks I have an incredible posterior.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I've done very well as an investment manager. I've made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros' sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That's a unique characteristic; most people aren't like that.</i></blockquote>
Mike, man, an investment manager a real job. I think all the females are concerned about is that you have a good job and can keep a work-life balance. Not always easy for me, as I have noted in past entries. This is a part I don't even consider as to why she didn't want to go on another date.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it’s better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.
</i></blockquote>
True, though I am sometimes the insensitive type. We already know I struggle with empathy. So I could easily deploy my own system just to get through the dating life cycle:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QZuOKUrwoys" width="560"></iframe>
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Okay, not really. I'd rather put the energy of an actual date into the time I spend with a girl I see on a consistent basis. At least Mike is not pathetic like Dennis.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too.
</i></blockquote>
That is definitely way too straightforward. I may find a girl less appealing when she doesn't reply, like any man would. One time, a girl said she wanted to go out to dinner for a second date without me prompting her, and when I asked her after a day pause, no response. If you say you want to go to dinner, that means you want a second date! Give me a good reason why you are the first person to say this! I was still up for the dinner if she ever replied back, but I certainly wasn't covering the tab. Consider that my sadistic revenge.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn't like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.
</i></blockquote>
The last sentence adds to the creep factor because it's petty. However, the first part sounds like what an Aspie would say. I would probably put a smooth tone on it and try the first sentence that way (likely failing miserably), but I admittedly have used that above note when dealing with communication in relationships...not my best moment. The second sentence, though, is really just good advice, and I don't really see that as a problem if he ever sees the girl again; I would say it's her loss if it weren't for this email. Instead, you look like <a href="http://51firstdatesafterdivorce.wordpress.com/2012/01/03/date-23-bitter-guy/" target="_blank">bitter guy</a>.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.
</i></blockquote>
That's exactly why I asked the question at the top at the end of the first date. Maybe it makes me look overly cynical, which I'm not, but I'd rather just know now so I can know better next time. Since I hardly know her, I like to learn right away. Any girl I'm currently seeing should know how to be kept anyway.<br />
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The final paragraph is where he lays it down thick:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Again, I’m not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I’m disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at [number]; (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don’t want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt.
</i></blockquote>
At least he does what I do on bad first dates and advises that he's not trying to sound a certain way. My thing is to tell others "don't take this the wrong way" before speaking, especially if I fear my foot will enter my mouth. She might not have liked the date, or maybe she just felt a bit jaded. By this point, though, he should expect the worst. I never got yelled at after a bad date, but when I asked for honesty from someone who could not hurt me at all, I definitely got it.<br />
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Read the rest of it if you want, as you may be cringing like I was for other reasons.<br />
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I don't know the details of this date beyond the posting, so who knows if he really acted like me. I also cannot say if he was an Aspie, as much as we can tell each other when we are. However, his response sure sounds like what may go on through my head after a first date heads nowhere and I don't even sense it. At least two first dates, in addition to the three-month period I mentioned earlier, were the only times where we both had clear signs that things were over for various reasons. Otherwise it was simply getting over confusion. Hey, the first girl I dated consistently after my breakup in 2009 was one I saw for six weeks, and even her decision to break things off had me thinking about all these signs above. Thankfully all I did was say "okay" and I got the reasons from her without having to write 1600 words.<br />
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Where I basically agree with Mike is that it would be nice to know why she didn't want a second date. To my credit, at the end of a couple dates that didn't go so well, I straight up said that it wasn't going to go anywhere, as nice as the chick was. He probably wanted more than I did, but I can also see myself, if I was ready to get real serious, kicking myself when something with potential didn't quite make it. I have been told that in some cases, our personalities didn't match, and I just went on.<br />
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However, <b>keep these thoughts in your head</b>! Also, let it go if it's been a few days and you don't hear anything. Otherwise you will certainly be subject to ridicule, and that's something I unfortunately cannot disagree with. Mike, if you ever see this, you have my sympathy. Just don't ever write a long email again; that's bad for any woman you date.<br />
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Better yet, don't start falling in love on date one.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-31904886203312271762013-04-21T18:03:00.000-04:002013-04-21T18:03:05.155-04:00The Culture Shock of Traveling AbroadNext month, I will be spending two weeks in the British Isles - as much of the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland as I can fit into that time, without going too crazy.
So of course, I'm due for a major culture shock. The main reasons I am traveling to that part of Europe are pretty simple:
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<br />
<ol>
<li>English is still the official language. I have a limited working knowledge of Spanish from my high school and college years, but nothing close to fluency. That's what happens when you don't have reason to use the language or expand the knowledge base of said language. So even if the dialects are different, I'll take that as a starting point.</li>
<li>Lindsay and I had talked about the trip since late 2011, but even since her passing I still wanted to take this trip myself. Now I have a second purpose abroad, and that is spreading some of her ashes in the Atlantic Ocean off of the Irish coast. She loved her time in that country.</li>
<li>There's some good frequent flyer miles to rack up, especially with the pending American Airlines merger with US Airways, the only airline I can use to fly between RDU and Philadelphia International anymore since Southwest ended the direct service between the two.</li>
</ol>
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The big problem is going to be understanding the language of the locals. Knowing how I talk, I will likely have some issues with this translation. I'm so focused on things like the cars traveling on the opposite side of the highway versus the United States, and the use of the metric system (which I always preferred but never adopted myself). I know that when I went to Vancouver, Canada two summers ago, I had a moment where I was trying to approach a bus driver about a pass, and used the proper currency names. He looked real confused but was friendly and let me on for free. That's minor, but I think you know what I'm getting at.<br />
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I'm overthinking, as usual, about names like fish and chips and what the street signs will say by the time I reach Ireland. I'll be staying with my cousin outside of Birmingham for a good chunk of the trip, but otherwise I'm going the private room route for the majority of the trip (meaning many reservations via airbnb). After my first two days in London, I think I will be used to the travel schedule and will feel better about the whole trip. Maybe it will take me that brief time to understand where I am. It's something that scares me, as aspies are prone to ridiculous moments of being out of the element.<br />
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Get ready for the follow up when I make my return.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-84473528389395432802013-03-19T22:15:00.002-04:002013-03-21T21:48:52.371-04:00About a Desire (aka "Task Complete, Now What?")In the middle of February, I did something major and submitted my MBA application to North Carolina State University and the Jenkins Professional MBA program. Okay, I actually have to re-submit a part of it, as it turns out, but otherwise I'm going to interview with them this April. When I get a task done and check it off my task list, I get a brief feeling of accomplishment, but then I wonder to myself what the next step will be. I stall for a while and then finally move on to my next goal. That goes back to the Aspie attention span, and how I realized I needed to try a new gimmick to step around it.<br />
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In Nick Hornby's <u>About a Boy</u>, main protagonist Will Freeman decides to divide his leisure time into 30-minute segments, whether it is watching television, shopping, buying records, or even casually dating. Granted, all his time is free time, allowing him to make these activities segmented. In my case, I have been absolutely swamped at work like most of the population, so my brain needs a rest for a little bit after. For my own free time after I finish work, I began experimenting with segments on certain nights. I've been traveling on business As I've mentioned in the past, I am no different than most other spectrum peeps when it comes to time management, which means it's severely lacking. So maybe using the segments will help me figure out the best ways to spend my time.<br />
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<ul>
<li><u>Professional Development</u>: I am studying for MCSA certification in SQL Server 2012, which means three exams. I've been reading up for the first exam, which has been a breeze since it concerns querying. I've been covering 1-2 chapters weekly, using the allotted times that the books require as my segments on those nights. I sometimes go through moments where I ask myself what I have done with my life, despite my recent role expansion and advancement at my current gig. I do have a few nice things to my name, but I can't settle. I did well in school because they gave me knowledge and formulas to repeat, and I could learn once I was provided with a direction. However, practicing myself has been hard enough. The slack room is waiting for the first exam scheduling, because I base it on how I learn.</li>
<li><u>Music</u>: Last week I used a 30-minute block to tune my guitar for the first time since November. I rarely get to play it because I'm not <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Guitarded" target="_blank">all that good</a> at chord transitions. I may think about revisiting it one day, though, just for fun. I also want to get back into music reviews at RYM, where all I've done over the last year is catalog and occasionally comment on a message board. However, my most frequent blocks, that could last an hour or so, are those for the C3VO project, which has also been long delayed. I give that an hour because I go on creative streaks and don't want to force myself. That might have been my problem last year, as I had ideas for track lengths more so than what was behind them. My beats are complimented for their style.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1Mx3o4WntFI" width="420"></iframe></li>
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<li><u>Travel</u>: I spend some 30-minute blocks prepping for my Europe excursion at the start of May. I have two weeks to travel the British Isles (England, Scotland, Ireland, etc), and I hardly know anything about traveling across the ocean. There's a big learning curve for six weeks. So even though I have booked most of my travel, I still have to plan where I want to see.</li>
<li><u>Fitness</u>: This is usually 75 minutes for the whole gym trip, from changing to workout and back. Unless, of course, I use the kettlebell or do the home boot camp, where it's much less time.</li>
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Of course, among the segments are periods where he looks for temporary female companionship, so that leads me to the final one. This should be a separate entry, but I've decided to tie it to this list.<br />
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<ul>
<li><u>Dating</u>: I hate feelings. It's a confession of emotional attachment that can't be controlled easily. I like to think every aspie has claimed this at least once in their lives. I re-entered dating coming from a dark place, and it's been a secondary priority to me versus my career goals. Essentially, it's an area where I had no goals and I'm still not sure of them four months after I got back into it. If you date someone you meet, whether online, through friends, at a bar, or in line at Schoolkids Records, there's a chance that one or both of you will feel greater affection the longer you keep it up; not to the point of "I love you so much so hard let's get married now" but just that you do the little things better because you see a potential spark. So that's really now in there to throw off my schedule. However, it was worth a 15-30 minute block to browse OkCupid or respond to messages. Maybe I'll be able to embrace these feelings one day, without being so scared to have them and the concept of another relationship becoming akin to Kanye's verse in "Lost in the World."<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ofaRvNOV4SI" width="560"></iframe></li>
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I can see how using a list goes, but how I break that out is my own business, of course! I will see how well this works when I try it certain days, and don't overthink the spontaneity part of life.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-68440750818832889382013-02-24T12:06:00.000-05:002013-02-24T12:06:04.824-05:00Defining the "Competition of Suffering"A <a href="http://grasp.org/profiles/blogs/resentment-liberated-the-competition-of-suffering-is-back" target="_blank">statement</a> from GRASP executive director Michael John Carley concerning the trials of the last few months, from the ties of Sandy Hook to the DSM-5 engulfing Asperger's into autism (which I haven't spoken on for many reasons). It's long, but there's a point made about considering autism a fad where people are supposed to feel sorry for our collective. I think a good question to be asked here is the same question we ask and never answer, which is why certain autism spectrum disorders are considered "suffering." Here's what sticks out:<br />
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We’re still hearing about ongoing consequences of the inaccurate descriptions of AS. Students with AS walking into their schools and hearing their teachers warn the other kids that "Joey has what Adam Lanza had, so be careful," or adults with AS being treated very differently at their workplaces immediately after the shootings.
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And now we’re getting articles like [Amy S.F. ] <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/01/autism_neurodiversity_does_facilitated_communication_work_and_who_speaks.single.html#pagebreak_anchor_2" target="_blank">Lutz’s</a>, a mom who states strongly that “these children will never write one blog or produce one video” therein sacrificing possibility in the name of probability (always an ethical mistake, and she’s bound to be proven wrong by some of them). Lutz goes on to question whether or not autistic advocate, Amanda Baggs, actually has autism, or is faking it. Jim Sinclair, like Baggs, has been through this before; and while I certainly can’t guarantee their diagnosis or lack thereof either way, what I can guarantee is that if Lutz is wrong (and she goes nowhere near proving her case), I certainly have a sense of how awful she will have made Baggs feel.
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Lutz also quotes my old negotiating partner (when she was at Autism Speaks), Alison Tepper-Singer, now the head of the Autism Science Foundation, as saying: "There are more studies focused on higher-functioning adults and the services they need, such as finding employment. But because we’re re-allocating the money, not increasing the budget, that means shifting funds away from the needs of lower-functioning children." Whether right or wrong (and a close friend high up in the research chain assures me its wrong), why, as the head of an autism organization (capable of good) would someone say that?
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Especially because unlike the Competition of Suffering from the mid-2000s, this one is one-sided.
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: 1.2em;">Not to re-hash to the </span></span><a href="http://grasp.org/video/the-comic-tragic-politics-of-the-autism-asperger-world-columbia" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.2em;" target="_blank">politics lecture at Columbia</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: 1.2em;">, but the leaders of autism/AS organizations have so little feelings of collective responsibility when compared to other non-profit fields. All sides have members that are overwhelmed, and when we are overwhelmed, we don’t say wise or constructive things, and that’s blameless human nature. But<b> too often in our world, our hurting memberships are pandered to by supposed leaders; not led</b> [my bold]. Gasoline, rather than perspective, is poured on the fires of either the angry, bullied, unemployed and lonely person on the spectrum; or the families with non-verbal children who don’t have the means, the money, or the energy to fight for the services they’re entitled to, nor the services the should be entitled to but legally </span></span><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">aren't</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: 1.2em;"> Giving voice to the overwhelmed is like interviewing someone caught in a fire at a time in which they don’t know whether or not they’ll get out of the burning house, as opposed to interviewing them a week after </span></span><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">they've</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: 1.2em;"> safely escaped the fire.
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Yet that’s the way it’s always been in our world. At times, great forces of shame have successfully silenced the more dysfunctional voices; but most of the time they have sadly run free, without any shred of accountability. Other non-profit arenas such as homelessness or child welfare also started with little accountability, as people had to learn by trial and error what statements went too far, and what statements were constructive in the cause of social good. The autism/AS field is young by comparison, but our trial and error period is compounded by the opportunities provided by so much media attention—coverage that we all paradoxically benefit from.
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-37850540050874565622013-02-18T22:41:00.001-05:002013-02-18T22:41:42.611-05:00Can Autism Be Prevented? Posting an article like this one makes me want to start a Twitter feed.<br />
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The reliable Emily Willingham has a <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/emilywillingham/2013/02/07/fox-news-asks-can-autism-be-prevented/" target="_blank">great take-down</a> of a piece on Fox News asking <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/02/05/can-autism-be-prevented/" target="_blank">if autism can be prevented</a>. I really can't give a full editorial on this, as she words this much better than I ever could. Essentially the main source, Robert Melillo, is on a PR campaign to promote brain balance, so it's a rather convenient argument for him. I know more than a few of us take issue with Fox News on their politics, but even on news like this, it's ridiculous.<br />
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Most of the “measures” remain hidden in the pages of this book–which you can purchase!–but the one the article cites? Prenatal vitamins. Raise your hand if you took prenatal horsepills before, during, and after pregnancy and still had a child with autism. Melillo seems to be <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21610500" target="_blank">referencing this paper</a> but misinterpreting the odds ratio data. The authors note the limitations of their study <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3116691/" target="_blank">here</a> in the full text of the article, which included that it relied on maternal recall of vitamin intake around pregnancy, several years after the pregnancy. They also did not collect information on diet. So, sure, take your prenatal vitamin, but don’t do it because you think it’ll prevent autism.</div>
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I'll have a bigger blog keeper on the way this week about a big step towards a big accomplishment, and juggling tasks in light of this.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-44703195806232528712013-01-26T13:00:00.001-05:002013-02-18T22:43:00.315-05:00Autism in Pop Culture, and the Cross-Section with NerdsI have previously talked about <a href="http://notquitearobot.blogspot.com/2010/07/sarcasm-detector-needed.html" target="_blank">Sheldon Cooper</a>, <a href="http://notquitearobot.blogspot.com/2012/06/abed-nadir.html" target="_blank">Abed Nadir</a>, and <a href="http://notquitearobot.blogspot.com/2012/05/tommy-westphall.html" target="_blank">Tommy Westphall</a> on this blog. They are all fictional television characters who may be on the spectrum and have a share of traits of those on the spectrum. Well, there was an <a href="http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-changing-face-of-nerds-and-autism-in-popular-c,91151/" target="_blank">amazing piece in The AV Club</a> this past week concerning the spectrum in pop culture, even if only so many characters are "out," to use that term. Noel Murray is really talking about both "nerds" and autistics/Aspies, and how they aren't always interchangeable.<br />
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After some clarification, Murray explains what bothers him about the way autistic people are often lampooned like nerds:
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[W]hat bothers me is the hoariness of jokes about bespectacled weirdoes who know the details of every Doctor Who episode but will never know the touch of a woman. First of all, they’re about as cutting-edge as jokes about airline food. Second of all: Did you know that many autists find it uncomfortable to look other people in the eye, or to be hugged? So what’s the joke here exactly? That two recognized traits of people with autistic spectrum disorders—obsessive interests and difficulties with social interactions—are a thing that exists?.</div>
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I tend to feel the same way, as not all nerds are autistic. There are some common grounds, not like an exact Venn diagram but certainly similar. It's a complex discussion, as I often related to the nerds with the stereotypical opposite-sex issues and factoids wading around the cranium. However, we're not the same as most nerds or geeks either. Geeks, for instance, are not that socially awkward, just immensely engrossed in a certain subject or four. Nerds are geeks with the level of awkwardness added in, which makes a dork. Yes, I "studied" those definitions.<br />
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He brings up five fictional characters, some from shows I had not seen until now.<br />
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<li>Sheldon, of course, who Murray has the most to comment about. He is correct that <i>The Big Bang Theory</i> has "very carefully avoided labeling Sheldon as having an ASD, because they've said they don’t want to be limited by what an autistic person would or wouldn't do." I am a fan, but the show is divisive because it follows a pretty simple sitcom formula, dropping in references for the sake of references as well. I could have a whole discussion on what that show accomplishes for nerdism, but that's not the blog subject. As I have said before, I can identify with Sheldon in some aspects, but many times he is over-the-top, albeit intentionally. While I worry about a character like him enforcing bad stereotypes of AS (lately he has played an antagonistic role in some episodes), Jim Parsons plays the role masterfully, which explains why the character is so popular. There's an innocence behind Sheldon's more irritating characteristics, and I often find myself sympathetic to his cause/plight...some days I want to be a supervillain anyway ;-)</li>
<li>Abed, the authentic pop-culture geek. I also am a fan of <i>Community</i>, making Thursday night viewing a conflict for years. He is positioned as the emotional center of the show, even though it's an ensemble cast. Abed has really helped the impression of the AS character through his own innocence, and his bromance with jock and not-so-secret geek Troy Barnes. Abed is lovable due to his own innocence, and the fact that his interests run parallel to mine make me identify with him often.</li>
<li>Brick Heck from <i>The Middle</i>, the young kid. I haven't really watched this sitcom, but when I checked out some clips, I also see that Brick has many of the autistic tendencies. This is especially true of his inability to be touched. He did remind me a lot of me when I was eleven, but I didn't intentionally isolate myself from everyone during this time. I would do that when I was in high school. I'm also unable to whisper.</li>
<li>Max Braveman from <i>Parenthood</i>, also a kid in a family, but part of a drama. He is an open autistic, with the story revolving more around the parents working with him, with amazement and frustration and other emotions in between. We get some development from Max, apparently, but the focus is more on how the parents react and get used to the situation. It's about adaptation.</li>
<li>Gary Bell from <i>Alphas</i>, the science fiction show starring David Strathairn (reason enough for me to check it out). No, Strathairn doesn't play Gary; an English actor named Ryan Cartwright does. He is diagnosed high-functioning ASD, like I was, and his idiosyncracies were similar to most (certain food aversions, OCD nature). His power is that he's a transducer, practically a human antenna, picking up wavelengths using his mind. It's a power that I could see myself having if I was blessed with a random superpower, even if it wasn't my power of choice. Murray calls him "accurate in the autist's at-times-frustrating inability to control his own quirks while also allowing Gary to be amused and amusing on his own terms."</li>
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What Noel Murray brings to the forefront with his piece is that the stereotypes may certainly be enforced with some shows, but that good shows have brought humanity to each of these characters...the idea that pop culture has changed the perception of the autistic somewhat, even if most NT people still don't understand it. The piece is worth reading in full. As he concludes, his son on the spectrum gets "awed respect and genuine affection," and maybe the representations of them on television has helped.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07077786047197358358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7919620242819256580.post-63018988529223631752012-12-26T22:26:00.001-05:002013-02-18T22:43:20.865-05:00Sandy Hook and the Spectrum ConnectionIn mid-December, a small town in Connecticut was rocked by a school shooting. A true tragedy for the nation, and it's hard to fathom what those families directly involved went through. I really don't know what words I can use to reflect on the events of that December 14 day in Newtown. I then heard the news that the shooter may have had Asperger's, so obviously there was an outrage that followed. I was tempted to blog on this, but decided to hold my tongue. Days later, I found that there were a ton of link that talked about this already, and most of these said what I was looking to say. So here are some links, which are worth reading in full.<br />
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<li>The New York Times has a great <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/18/opinion/dont-blame-autism-for-newtown.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1356444091-cDrfMWSMZoErRNLjbtyobA" target="_blank">editorial</a> that exposed some of the news coverage for what it was, using the key terms of autism and mentioning it as an illness rather than a simple neurological developmental disorder. The media reporting won't help distinguish what autism spectrum disorders truly are. People will just hear the characteristics and not understand the difference. Thankfully the <a href="http://publiceditor.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/18/adam-lanza-aspergers-and-a-misleading-connection-with-violence/" target="_blank">public editor</a> came through to explain that clarifications were added a week later:<br /><br />
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If there were solid sourcing last week of the Asperger’s diagnosis, the issue of its relevance could have been handled in a clarifying follow-up sentence — for example: “Autism and Asperger’s are developmental disorders, not mental illnesses; and there is no connection between them and violent behavior.”
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Mr. Halbfinger protested when I suggested the idea of such an explanation, particularly in a first-day story. “To me, it seems kind of ridiculous; that’s the journalistic equivalent of a nanny state,” he said. He added, though, that as a parent himself, he does understand how parents feel about this subject. And he sees that there may be a “knowledge deficit” – people may not know very much about autism and Asperger’s.</div>
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<li>Too often a lack of empathy was credited as a reason why there was a connection, but it really doesn't make much of a difference. A piece in Slate <a href="http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/12/17/asperger_s_and_newtown_school_shooting_autistic_does_not_mean_violent.html" target="_blank">distinguishes cognitive empathy from emotional empathy</a>, and how many of us have the latter. I would totally vouch for this one, because recognition of emotions (i.e. reading people) is my problem, but when emotion is manifested in a person, I can them internalize these feelings and can at least share it to a partial degree. Most psychopaths are the reverse. The writer relates with her own son:<br /><br />
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My 11-year-old son is diagnosed with Asperger's, soon to be simply "autism," thanks to impending <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/emilywillingham/2012/12/04/just-in-aspergers-prevalence-predicted-to-fall-to-zero/" target="_blank">changes in the DSM-5</a>. He is a rowdy giant of an 11-year-old who loves tumbling play with his brothers, but his spirit couldn't be more gentle. When he finds a spider in the house, he carefully gathers it in a tissue and places it outside, alive. He can't bear to watch people crack tree nuts, like pecans, because being something of a tree nut himself, he feels pain on behalf of the nuts. He is so attuned to all of my nonverbal communication that he will recognize and respond to a fluctuation in my mood faster than anyone else in our house, including my husband.
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He knows about the Dec. 14 shootings in Connecticut. When he learned about them, his first response was to turn away in the chair where he was sitting, drooping his head over the back. He stayed that way for many long minutes, quiet and still. When he turned around again, my child who rarely, rarely cries had tears in his eyes. And then, his first urgent concern: that we break from homeschooling and go get his brother, our youngest son and in first grade, from school ... now. And as we drove to the school to pick up his brother, whom I badly wanted to see and hug and hear, my oldest, autistic son voiced what I'd already decided: "Let's not tell him what happened. That's not something he needs to know. It would make him too anxious and scared." Perspective-taking and empathy, you see.</div>
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<li>Many parents have been <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/12/18/parents-push-back-at-suggestion-autism-was-behind-adam-lanza-s-rampage.html" target="_blank">pushing back</a> at this suggestion as well, drawing from their own experiences. Even the EVP with Autism Speaks came forward with this summary statement: "By definition, people with autism are not inclined to commit acts of violence...[i]t’s really important to note that having an autism diagnosis doesn't make you the type of person to commit this type of crime." Another point made here by <a href="http://www.nationaljournal.com/politics/don-t-stigmatize-asperger-s-syndrome-in-wake-of-newtown-massacre-20121216" target="_blank">an Aspie who is only 15</a>: "If you meet somebody with Asperger's, you've met only one person with Asperger's."</li>
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I am, of course, a person with Asperger's, maybe high-functioning autism (at least the DSM-5 will define me that way). I don't want to dignify the killer or let his name linger in any way, but there is something that allows the story to resonate with our community, whether it is for the purpose of defense or making a connection. Just as we know of people with antisocial personality disorder, most of them are not violent, or at least learn ways in which to control their impulses. They may be a politician, a lawyer, an artist, a Fortune 500 CEO, or a janitor. Same can be said for individuals with Asperger's Syndrome. However, when you have an individual who has difficulty reading social cues, relating to others, and empathizing, all the while combining it with violent impulses (among other important risk factors such as traumatic history, early attachment issues, limit resources and social support) it can really become a horrific situation for that individual and those who care about him or her. We all want to make sense of tragedies, and have an almost existential need for a motive. Here, it's not autism. We don't even know if it was ever diagnosed at this point. As is the case with the dialogue about gun control, we need to honestly examine all of the underlying causes with sincerity and tact. Only then can we begin to understand and hopefully prevent the horror from happening again. </div>
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