Supernatural Powers

Watching a couple episodes of the third season of Supernatural (I enjoyed the first four seasons before believing the Lucifer-hunt season, when the proverbial shark was jumped), and Being John Malkovich, and finally Batman: The Animated Series, I have pondered the idea of supernatural abilities, and what power I most would want.  Many people, particularly of the NT variety, have previous said that they want powers of invisibility or flying, or even superhuman strength or shapeshifting.  I can't say all those powers would not be cool to have.  However, I think there are four powers that many of us on the spectrum would choose:

• Telepathy: this one is pretty obvious considering how frequently we are unable to read body language.  So the ability to read the thoughts of everyone else would more than compensate.  If I knew what others were thinking I'd be the most charismatic person around.  When others want me to catch on to what they are saying, I can generally appear to be intuitive and somehow understanding.  The negative side is that I would try to please a mass crowd if I knew all of their thoughts.  Worse than that, I don't know if I am allowed to limit my telepathic abilities to one person at a time; sensory overload would surely take place.
• Possession: oh mind control you devilish power.  Like many aspies, I am happiest when I have complete control over my own environment, aligned with my passive aggressive nature.  So what better environment control than getting into the mind of someone else and plugging in the thoughts you want.  Maybe I wanted that promotion; with possession of the boss' mind, I tell the physical version of myself that the promotion is happening.  The quandary with mental possession is this: who controls my mind if I'm controlling that of someone else?  Would I be on auto-pilot for those fleeting moments?
• Time manipulation: Freeze time, and I may be able to get things done and look the part of superhero.  There are constant distractions for me, and if I can freeze time while being able to manipulate everything around me, I can get everything done in time, and possibly look like the fastest worker ever.  I could even cheat on exams or win at Jeopardy...even rig the lottery somehow.  However, I could still get mad tired and look like I'm often sleeping.
• Teleportation: Instant transportation, by means presented in Star Trek, would allow more time to enjoy a vacation, or even a quick getaway.  I would enjoy the lessened financial burden with such a power, pending any medical bills if your mass ends up leading to bouts of disorientation.  The final reason is that my girlfriend is two hours away for the next year, so having that immediate ability would be nice for quality time.  However, what if the porting leads me to a spot in the middle of an interstate?  We all know that wouldn't end well.  Maybe if I landed in a ditch near Route 1 instead if the power forces me to be dropped.

Other powers would be nice, but those are what I see as a top four.  It's funny, because the superheroes that I admired most were those that didn't have super powers.  There was a strange appeal of the Watchmen when I saw the movie because there was a real and dark aspect.  Iron Man had the awesome suit. It is why I had such admiration for Batman as a youth.  He did not have the extraterrestrial abilities of his fellow Justice League co-founders, nor the sensory perceptions of the Green Lantern.  He just had the natural strength and athleticism from his workout routine and possibly some primitive form of parkour, the surveillance techniques honed over years, a combat belt with whatever equipment is needed, and a major thirst for vengeance...not to mention being a billionaire in charge of a technology conglomerate helped him finance the stealth vehicles and everything for the Batcave.  That last part was a buit of a stretch for those wanting to be superheroes one day, but otherwise he was always a badass vigilante who just seemed like a larger-than-life character in a realistic world.  It alos helped that Bruce Wayne, like Tony Stark for Iron Man, could pass off as a real person who had some flaws (former being image-conscious, latter being a boozer, both of them being major swingers).  I like Superman, Spiderman, most of the X-Men, and Green Hornet....and I always hated Aquaman.  Still, Batman is the one I always followed closest in the media.

Batman kept it real.

Special powers would be an advantage for me if I got one, but knowing my personality, it would not be easy for me to contain the power(s) provided.  I would find every justification for the use of the power when it is unnecessary.  Moments where I want revenge or to live strange fantasies would come at the expense of someone else who I had a problem with and wanted to teach a lesson the most passive-aggressive way possible.  Maybe if there was an Aspie League, something that unfortunately never got discussed, we would have so much fun trying to right the wrongs and injustices to those with mental handicaps.  However, there's a good argument that we would potentially abuse this to shape our own worlds, in accordance with the reasons I would love the powers above.  I have a tough time not seeing us turn on each other.  It's easy for an Aspie to be the most well-meaning, unaware egomaniac.

At the end, I would come up with the lesson that it is "just so great to be me!"  Especially because there is good and bad with each power.  However, I don't know if that's the case.  I like being me, but I know I'll still desire some supernatural ability when the time calls for it, as long as I don't have to sell my soul for the ability. Still, everyone is a hero to someone, and I guess I can make the best of being an Aspie with my own supernatural abilities.

Maybe that will be a future blog.

Settled In North Carolina

Well, actually I'm not quite settled yet.  There's still plenty for me to get done.  Among them:

1. Title my vehicle.
2. Unpack some remaining boxes that I wasn't sure how to unpack.
3. Officially sign up for insurance with the employer.
4. Budget breakdowns.
5. Get a dining table and new couch (maybe).
6. College course registrations.

I make lists well, but I can't always succeed at following said lists.  So that's a challenge in itself.  I think a few of us on the spectrum have that issue, because our minds are running around in circles all the time.

Moving Has Too Many Changes

I secured a new job recently and will be making the move to North Carolina at the end of this month.  I will be living south of the Raleigh-Cary area for the first year to take on a data analyst position.  Then my hope is enter grad school down there, as a program I desire to enter is down in the area as well.  This isn't easy for someone like myself to pack up everything and go, but I also need to do this for my own personal and professional advancement.

Of course, the moving process is already giving me sensory overload.  There are so many small knacks that I have to put in both boxes and bags.  Then there is the cost of renting out a van.  There is the fact that I still do not have an apartment to move into yet and will be taking my chances on 3-5 select apartments once I get down there.  I'm still finishing the process of ensuring that my apartment sublease is okay.  The idea that I have to register my vehicle in a new state is made more complicated to me since I have to change titles over first, and then switch insurance, and then I can finally register for my NC license plate.

For the first time, I need to get my VIN.  Tell me less.

I have needed to talk with my parents a lot about this move and the steps needed for it.  As a man now in his mid-twenties, but one who had never relocated eight hours away, it's invaluable.  I don't want to screw any of this up, although I'm likely to realize "oh wait" a few times.  Aspies may seemingly take longer to reach that level of independence, but it's not because we don't have the ability to decipher.

To that point, I became one of those people who needed checklists to get everything accomplished.  I have my list of how to pack, people to contact, and general steps that are needed with website references.  In the next nine days I have to get many parts into boxes, and took a few pictures so I would know exactly how to pack everything.  The liquor stores and some department stores have a surplus of empty boxes which helped me out greatly.  I have a hard time with organization and time management, of course, so that leads me to use this list and schedule appointments and time slots to get certain tasks complete.  I hopefully can follow the list, as good as I am at making one.

Saying goodbye to people was also difficult.  I've been on a mini-tour, stopping in Levittown last weekend to visit friends, and next week I return to Central PA for three days.  I had my last GRASP meeting with the Philly chapter, which made me sad because it was hard to admit that I was leaving.  Bob and the crew have helped me with my self-awareness, to be sure.  Once time permits I would love to get a chapter started.

There's plenty of sensory overload that goes into moving because everything has to happen in one fell swoop. Let's see if I make it through.

Maybe I'll update this more.

Switching Employment

My job recently came to an end.

It was not easy, but the contract finally came to a close and they did not bring me on full-time, because my desires did not seem to match up with what I could be provided.  Granted, I had been considering an exit because I was not as happy as I once was, but I was going to stay on until ready to depart.  Of course, now this is forced on me as I was told my services would no longer be needed at the end of April.  I had become overly stressed, and it was showing although I had been doing my best to keep any incidents from coming up. Still, the big reason I didn't get a match is because past behavioral quirks did me in.  Some of these could be fixed, but some of these take time...maybe quitting smoking is an analogy for aspies.

In retrospect, handling it with a simple
head in hand would have sufficed.

So now I'm in a tough spot for people like myself.  I'm wondering what the next stage is for the first time since my '07 layoff.  That one was considerably tougher as I was fresh out of school and already pushed out of the job I had accepted (although that was the most unhappy I had been...I even got lonely for the first time, and I never get lonely).

My new quest is looking for some brief 1-2 week projects to work on before my vacation to the West Coast.   I also debate if I should trick out this blog a bit more, considering I do have knowledge of HTML and some CSS, although that may be for naught at the end of the day.  It would be nice to be able to present something on here, like a webinar.  A lot of this comes back to focus; I know what I want to do, just not how to do it.

Instead, I get distracted when I go nowhere and start morphing an old Excel spreadsheet with Wilt Chamberlain's 1961-62 averages (IMO, one of the top three statistical seasons for any basketball player ever).

Date	Game	Game #	Minutes	FGM	FGA	FG%	FTM	FTA	FT%	Rebounds	Assists	Fouls	Points
10/19/1961	Los Angeles at Philadelphia	1	48	21	44	0.477	6	12	0.500	25	1	1	48
10/20/1961	Los Angeles at Philadelphia	2	48	24	46	0.522	9	17	0.529	32	1	2	57
10/21/1961	New York at Philadelphia	3	48	21	41	0.512	11	17	0.647	35	0	2	53
10/27/1961	Syracuse at Philadelphia	4	48	21	45	0.467	13	21	0.619	24	3	3	55
10/28/1961	Philadelphia at Syracuse	5	48	17	43	0.395	9	14	0.643	23	3	0	43
11/3/1961	Boston at Philadelphia	6	48	12	31	0.387	4	9	0.444	33	1	2	28
11/4/1961	Detroit at Philadelphia	7	48	24	48	0.500	10	16	0.625	33	0	1	58
11/8/1961	Philadelphia at Detroit	8	48	23	46	0.500	12	19	0.632	23	1	3	58
11/9/1961	Syracuse at Philadelphia	9	48	20	38	0.526	15	27	0.556	29	0	1	55
11/11/1961	Philadelphia at Boston	10	48	17	40	0.425	7	13	0.538	21	3	4	41
11/14/1961	Philadelphia at New York	11	48	13	27	0.481	8	17	0.471	18	2	2	34
11/15/1961	Cincinnati at Philadelphia	12	48	18	42	0.429	7	13	0.538	18	5	1	43
11/17/1961	Los Angeles at Philadelphia	13	48	24	48	0.500	8	19	0.421	32	2	1	56
11/18/1961	Philadelphia at Syracuse	14	48	13	32	0.406	13	20	0.650	17	2	1	39
11/19/1961	Philadelphia at Chicago	15	48	24	47	0.511	3	8	0.375	16	0	2	51
11/21/1961	Philadelphia at Cincinnati	16	48	20	44	0.455	5	15	0.333	34	6	0	45
11/23/1961	Boston at Philadelphia	17	48	12	34	0.353	7	12	0.583	30	5	1	31
11/25/1961	Chicago at Philadelphia	18	48	15	37	0.405	9	12	0.750	38	3	2	39
11/28/1961	Philadelphia at St. Louis	19	48	13	28	0.464	13	25	0.520	22	1	0	39
12/1/1961	Philadelphia at Los Angeles	20	48	22	47	0.468	16	26	0.615	21	4	1	60
12/2/1961	Philadelphia at Los Angeles	21	48	11	22	0.500	15	26	0.577	24	1	1	37
12/5/1961	Philadelphia at New York	22	48	17	31	0.548	5	12	0.417	22	4	1	39
12/6/1961	St. Louis at Philadelphia	23	48	12	27	0.444	15	20	0.750	16	1	2	39
12/8/1961	Los Angeles at Philadelphia	24	63	31	62	0.500	16	31	0.516	43	1	4	78
12/9/1961	Chicago at Philadelphia	25	48	28	48	0.583	5	10	0.500	36	0	3	61
12/10/1961	Philadelphia at Chicago	26	48	23	44	0.523	9	16	0.563	26	2	4	55
12/12/1961	Detroit at Philadelphia	27	48	22	42	0.524	10	14	0.714	25	5	2	54
12/13/1961	Philadelphia at Boston	28	48	22	43	0.512	8	12	0.667	30	0	2	52
12/14/1961	Syracuse at Philadelphia	29	48	17	39	0.436	9	17	0.529	22	2	1	43
12/16/1961	Philadelphia at Chicago	30	48	21	39	0.538	8	12	0.667	21	3	3	50
12/19/1961	Philadelphia at Cincinnati	31	48	24	47	0.511	9	14	0.643	25	1	0	57
12/20/1961	Philadelphia at Detroit	32	48	24	47	0.511	7	11	0.636	19	0	0	55
12/25/1961	Philadelphia at New York	33	58	23	44	0.523	13	22	0.591	36	0	3	59
12/26/1961	Syracuse at Philadelphia	34	48	21	53	0.396	9	15	0.600	29	1	2	51
12/27/1961	New York at Philadelphia	35	48	20	42	0.476	13	18	0.722	30	4	3	53
12/29/1961	Los Angeles at Philadelphia	36	48	24	43	0.558	12	19	0.632	26	3	1	60
12/30/1961	Boston at Philadelphia	37	53	17	34	0.500	7	13	0.538	28	3	2	41
1/1/1962	Philadelphia at Los Angeles	38	48	13	29	0.448	6	12	0.500	20	3	1	32
1/3/1962	Philadelphia at Los Angeles	39	40	14	25	0.560	8	12	0.667	18	2	1	36
1/5/1962	St. Louis at Philadelphia	40	48	20	39	0.513	13	21	0.619	22	2	0	53
1/7/1962	Philadelphia at St. Louis	41	48	23	41	0.561	9	17	0.529	21	2	3	55
1/9/1962	Syracuse at Philadelphia	42	48	18	37	0.486	11	21	0.524	27	1	3	47
1/10/1962	Philadelphia at Detroit	43	48	15	40	0.375	9	13	0.692	25	1	0	39
1/11/1962	Syracuse at Philadelphia	44	48	19	40	0.475	14	24	0.583	22	5	0	52
1/13/1962	Chicago at Philadelphia	45	48	29	48	0.604	15	25	0.600	36	0	2	73
1/14/1962	Philadelphia at Boston	46	48	27	45	0.600	8	10	0.800	28	2	1	62
1/17/1962	St. Louis at Philadelphia	47	53	24	48	0.500	14	20	0.700	23	4	3	62
1/18/1962	Cincinnati at Philadelphia	48	48	22	50	0.440	10	16	0.625	31	3	0	54
1/19/1962	Philadelphia at Detroit	49	48	23	42	0.548	7	10	0.700	21	2	1	53
1/20/1962	Detroit at Philadelphia	50	48	17	39	0.436	10	14	0.714	28	5	0	44
1/21/1962	Philadelphia at Syracuse	51	53	25	42	0.595	12	17	0.706	23	3	1	62
1/24/1962	Chicago at Philadelphia	52	48	23	56	0.411	9	11	0.818	32	5	1	55
1/26/1962	Philadelphia at St. Louis	53	48	16	29	0.552	15	19	0.789	22	4	3	47
1/27/1962	Boston at Philadelphia	54	48	21	28	0.750	11	17	0.647	27	1	3	53
1/28/1962	Philadelphia at Boston	55	53	17	31	0.548	16	22	0.727	20	3	4	50
1/30/1962	Philadelphia at New York	56	48	22	40	0.550	11	19	0.579	27	3	1	55
2/1/1962	Cincinnati at Philadelphia	57	48	22	36	0.611	9	16	0.563	26	5	1	53
2/2/1962	New York at Philadelphia	58	48	12	31	0.387	11	19	0.579	19	4	1	35
2/3/1962	Philadelphia at Syracuse	59	48	15	35	0.429	11	14	0.786	15	3	0	41
2/4/1962	Syracuse at Philadelphia	60	48	19	35	0.543	12	18	0.667	26	2	0	50
2/8/1962	New York at Philadelphia	61	48	23	37	0.622	13	19	0.684	24	0	0	59
2/9/1962	Philadelphia at Boston	62	48	15	32	0.469	18	23	0.783	29	1	1	48
2/10/1962	Boston at Philadelphia	63	48	16	33	0.485	6	14	0.429	31	4	1	38
2/11/1962	Philadelphia at New York	64	48	18	36	0.500	6	13	0.462	25	5	0	42
2/13/1962	Philadelphia at Cincinnatti	65	48	24	40	0.600	17	30	0.567	22	4	3	65
2/14/1962	Philadelphia at Detroit	66	48	17	38	0.447	8	13	0.615	27	3	1	42
2/16/1962	Cincinnati at Philadelphia	67	48	18	37	0.486	12	17	0.706	23	4	0	48
2/17/1962	Philadelphia at St. Louis	68	48	26	44	0.591	15	20	0.750	28	2	1	67
2/20/1962	Chicago at Philadelphia	69	48	21	46	0.457	6	8	0.750	21	2	4	48
2/21/1962	Philadelphia at Syracuse	70	48	19	33	0.576	8	17	0.471	16	2	3	46
2/22/1962	St. Louis at Philadelphia	71	48	21	36	0.583	19	34	0.559	26	1	0	61
2/24/1962	Boston at Philadelphia	72	48	11	24	0.458	4	13	0.308	31	0	1	26
2/25/1962	New York at Philadelphia	73	48	25	38	0.658	17	22	0.773	21	1	1	67
2/27/1962	Philadelphia at St. Louis	74	48	25	43	0.581	15	20	0.750	23	2	3	65
2/28/1962	Philadelphia at Chicago	75	48	24	46	0.522	13	17	0.765	28	6	4	61
3/2/1962	New York at Philadelphia	76	48	36	63	0.571	28	32	0.875	25	2	2	100
3/4/1962	Philadelphia at New York	77	48	24	41	0.585	10	16	0.625	35	4	0	58
3/7/1962	Philadelphia at Boston	78	48	13	38	0.433	4	11	0.364	27	2	1	30
3/11/1962	Philadelphia at Syracuse	79	48	19	27	0.704	6	18	0.333	26	2	2	44
3/14/1962	Philadelphia at Chicago	80	53	15	34	0.441	4	5	0.800	33	4	3	34
TOTALS			3882	1597	3167	-	835	1363	-	2062	190	125	4029
AVERAGES		80	48.525	19.96	39.59	0.5057	10.44	17.04	0.6092	25.78	2.38	1.56	50.363

Watch my search page jump just because of this record.

I've been hitting my goal of two job applications per day each day, since it takes me forever to do a cover letter.  I have also been doing some seminars on helping myself with the job search; one was useless as it applied more to senior-level executives.  I'm also not going to have 500 LinkedIn connections anytime soon.

Explaining Asperger's Syndrome to future employers will be tricky, but my new debate is if I should present this.  I will be flying down to North Carolina for two interviews in less than two weeks.  Hopefully I will have three.  Research Triangle is rising and UNC-Chapel Hill has a grad program I have intensely set my eyes on.  I'm also trying my hand at some brief skill tutorials where needed.  I now have time to write and continue beats as well.

So now I should continue to do those while keeping up the job hunt.  Maybe even continue redesigning this website.

The Autism Now Series

I did not get a chance to watch the Autism Now miniseries from PBS NewsHour.  However, a great review has been spotted online and I thought I would share.  I'll expand on this a bit later, but I'm sure some families can relate.

Asperger's and Information Technology Careers

This article is about three years old, but it focuses on Aspies working within IT.  Really opens up to how it works for a career.

Autistics Changing Over Generations

I was at Temple University this evening working with autistic children…working with the kids is something myself and select other GRASP folks do on occasion. As I like to perceive it, takes one to know one. Some are of a high-functioning diagnosis, some are PDD-NOS, and some are developmentally worse off within the spectrum…they all range from ages 9-13 in this group.  I think some of them have really bright futures ahead when I hear them discuss their classwork.  One of them recited all 50 states in ascending order of statehood from Delaware through Hawaii, which was incredible.  My group played Clue during the last part of the session and three of us started quoting the movie and getting in depth with the characters. Unfortunately one of them had an outburst when a game rule wasn’t explained to him the correct way, and the yelling even made me, and the girl I worked alongside, uncomfortable like you would not believe.  Otherwise it was one of my most fulfilling nights I’ve had this year, in part because it was my first CAADC visit this year.

These kids are enterprising and logical, yet also idealistic and self-interested.  That would be typical of most children in that age range.  What strikes me sometimes is that as much as our personalities change, I’m not sure if Aspies change their behaviors to the degrees that an NT might.  In many ways, I’m still enterprising, logical, idealistic, and self-interested, and unfortunately it’s all I know.   Doesn’t mean I didn’t go through the usual transformations.  The person who walked across Seth Grove Stadium wearing a cap and gown is different than the person who first was moving into McCune Hall about 44 months prior.  The person writing this note is certainly different than the person who first accepted his current job back in February 2008…or even the one who first decided to do ASD outreach in recognition of his own situation.  It’s just that when a spectrum type goes through those changes, they are more likely to consider the change process itself rather than the actual personality change.  We are very analytical types to that degree.

They will likely go through personality changes like most people, and their environment would be something they brought back with them regardless of where they go.  The kids would be impressionable to their environment, which not all people on the spectrum are during adulthood.  However, there is the extreme as to how impressionable one is, and Aspies are often about extremes.  I know from my own experience that I bring my impressions with me in most of my environments, even if it does give me an appreciation of the part after I leave it (example being a likeness for the predominantly rural Central PA…there’s where you go for a Sunday drive).  I had a tendency to blend in with the culture around me because of the impression it left, whether it was a period of regular church service or my recent beer snob transformation since relocating to Center City West.  The changes allowed me, and others, to further understand the surroundings.

The behavior is what I’m unsure of, as adaptation seems to be an issue with any Aspies as they grow older.  Each of the kids that I had in my group had some sort of twitch, interestingly enough, and I thought about how I still have my twitch, and a few of those in GRASP are the same way.  There is still the muttering to oneself.  There is generally the same outlook that sometimes keeps us from the world, which can hurt many of those on the autism spectrum and causes some folks to give up on these kids as they get older.  However, it may just be due to the outlook that they cannot empathize or comprehend what others say in their own context. That’s the positive side; there are children with parents and professionals that have given them the coaching in order to help themselves succeed.  Afterwards they become more masterful communicators and despite keeping their fixations, these types become more self-aware.  It really just takes a little bit of help to get out of such an entrenched world, almost like the urban streets (side note: next on my Netflix queue is season four of The Wire, which should give me a comparison of institutions, however convoluted).

Seeing the youth again made me think about the autistic metamorphosis.  These kids just need a chance to be understood, and know that someone has been through these rough patches where they are afraid other peers do not understand them.  What they will pick up in high school and in college will be eye-opening to say the least, and it’s as if I want to tell them that next time.  Better to leave the element of surprise and let them enjoy these years; let them be kids.

This Time, It's Not Personal

A few psychologists have shown that a share of Aspies have this tendency to look past the normal when something happens and consider it something of a personal attack, which can be surprising because the typical convention is that people will take a lot of the literal things we say on a personal basis themselves.  Still, many of us consider something others say to be personal.

I am definitely one of those people.

The problem is that when someone does something to me that indirectly affects me after I was just in the middle of interacting with the person, then my first impulse is that what happened is about me.  Since I get so concerned about what I am doing at one time, I would think that they are showing the same concern with what I am doing because, well, it's so interesting to me.  I don't come out and say that, but I'm afraid of what they might be thinking about what I'm doing at the given moment in time.

So instead I'll ask the person if it was something I said or go crazy and say "hey, I did this differently" because I do not like when I am completely misunderstood (versus marginally misunderstood, which happens often enough).  Or there are times I might just be an attention whore as well, which can happen to anyone.

I am left having to tell myself that it's not what I think in various scenarios, to varying degrees of success.

• "Mom and Dad are just trying to watch their TV show so Dad can sleep considering his long hours."
• "It's not as if your friends didn't ask you to go to brunch just because they didn't want to ask you.  They just figured you were asleep" or "They just saw you take out that orange and assumed you had lunch."
• "Your boss just reassigned that part of the project to help you lighten your workload and focus on another important assignment.  It's not because she thinks you are incapable."
• "He didn't correct you to show you up; he only did it knowing that you're not using the practical etiquette, which might not impress the man you are visiting next week."
• "You were struggling.  You looked like you were struggling.  So obviously they offered to help and just happened to tell a joke about your struggle."
• "Your girlfriend isn't mad at anything you said; remember that she's often quite busy.  She knows you disappear for stretches too and wonders what happened."

There really isn't any other method that I can think of, beyond telling myself that others may take comments I say on a personal level.  However, I tend to just confuse others when I say things literally nowadays in contrast to when I was a kid.  I am someone who wants to avoid consequences, and when someone shows a reaction or non-reaction that may not be positive, then I start thinking that the impression I left was not what it was supposed to have been.

So yes, quite often I am one who will take a lot of actions and verbal cues on a personal level.

Sad part is, I don't know any other way to be.