Sandy Hook and the Spectrum Connection

In mid-December, a small town in Connecticut was rocked by a school shooting.  A true tragedy for the nation, and it's hard to fathom what those families directly involved went through.  I really don't know what words I can use to reflect on the events of that December 14 day in Newtown.  I then heard the news that the shooter may have had Asperger's, so obviously there was an outrage that followed.  I was tempted to blog on this, but decided to hold my tongue.  Days later, I found that there were a ton of link that talked about this already, and most of these said what I was looking to say.  So here are some links, which are worth reading in full.

The New York Times has a great editorial that exposed some of the news coverage for what it was, using the key terms of autism and mentioning it as an illness rather than a simple neurological developmental disorder.  The media reporting won't help distinguish what autism spectrum disorders truly are.  People will just hear the characteristics and not understand the difference.  Thankfully the public editor came through to explain that clarifications were added a week later:

If there were solid sourcing last week of the Asperger’s diagnosis, the issue of its relevance could have been handled in a clarifying follow-up sentence — for example: “Autism and Asperger’s are developmental disorders, not mental illnesses; and there is no connection between them and violent behavior.”

Mr. Halbfinger protested when I suggested the idea of such an explanation, particularly in a first-day story. “To me, it seems kind of ridiculous; that’s the journalistic equivalent of a nanny state,” he said. He added, though, that as a parent himself, he does understand how parents feel about this subject. And he sees that there may be a “knowledge deficit” – people may not know very much about autism and Asperger’s.

Too often a lack of empathy was credited as a reason why there was a connection, but it really doesn't make much of a difference.  A piece in Slate distinguishes cognitive empathy from emotional empathy, and how many of us have the latter.  I would totally vouch for this one, because recognition of emotions (i.e. reading people) is my problem, but when emotion is manifested in a person, I can them internalize these feelings and can at least share it to a partial degree.  Most psychopaths are the reverse.  The writer relates with her own son:

My 11-year-old son is diagnosed with Asperger's, soon to be simply "autism," thanks to impending changes in the DSM-5. He is a rowdy giant of an 11-year-old who loves tumbling play with his brothers, but his spirit couldn't be more gentle. When he finds a spider in the house, he carefully gathers it in a tissue and places it outside, alive. He can't bear to watch people crack tree nuts, like pecans, because being something of a tree nut himself, he feels pain on behalf of the nuts. He is so attuned to all of my nonverbal communication that he will recognize and respond to a fluctuation in my mood faster than anyone else in our house, including my husband.

He knows about the Dec. 14 shootings in Connecticut. When he learned about them, his first response was to turn away in the chair where he was sitting, drooping his head over the back. He stayed that way for many long minutes, quiet and still. When he turned around again, my child who rarely, rarely cries had tears in his eyes. And then, his first urgent concern: that we break from homeschooling and go get his brother, our youngest son and in first grade, from school ... now. And as we drove to the school to pick up his brother, whom I badly wanted to see and hug and hear, my oldest, autistic son voiced what I'd already decided: "Let's not tell him what happened. That's not something he needs to know. It would make him too anxious and scared." Perspective-taking and empathy, you see.

Many parents have been pushing back at this suggestion as well, drawing from their own experiences. Even the EVP with Autism Speaks came forward with this summary statement: "By definition, people with autism are not inclined to commit acts of violence...[i]t’s really important to note that having an autism diagnosis doesn't make you the type of person to commit this type of crime."  Another point made here by an Aspie who is only 15: "If you meet somebody with Asperger's, you've met only one person with Asperger's."

I am, of course, a person with Asperger's, maybe high-functioning autism (at least the DSM-5 will define me that way).  I don't want to dignify the killer or let his name linger in any way, but there is something that allows the story to resonate with our community, whether it is for the purpose of defense or making a connection. Just as we know of people with antisocial personality disorder, most of them are not violent, or at least learn ways in which to control their impulses. They may be a politician, a lawyer, an artist, a Fortune 500 CEO, or a janitor. Same can be said for individuals with Asperger's Syndrome. However, when you have an individual who has difficulty reading social cues, relating to others, and empathizing, all the while combining it with violent impulses (among other important risk factors such as traumatic history, early attachment issues, limit resources and social support) it can really become a horrific situation for that individual and those who care about him or her. We all want to make sense of tragedies, and have an almost existential need for a motive. Here, it's not autism. We don't even know if it was ever diagnosed at this point. As is the case with the dialogue about gun control, we need to honestly examine all of the underlying causes with sincerity and tact. Only then can we begin to understand and hopefully prevent the horror from happening again.  

2012

A new year is here, and I finally have something to write, or at least a series of discombobulated thoughts, coming out like Pez candy.  It begins with a dispenser.

• I don't always know what to talk about as the year of the outlandish is upon us.  According to the Mayan calendar, we're doomed.  Here's the thing..I'm not one to believe in stuff like the calendar, but I am one to take someone trusted seriously when they attempt to get me to believe anything.  So it's like an inconsistent gullible nature.  I'm one of those types who would prefer to believe the best in people.
• Moving is something I have become used to; I was very happy to return to Philadelphia for break, but in another example of what someone once called 'autistic maturity,' I was actually quite happy as soon as I returned to Raleigh.  It's really become a home to me, as has the Southern Pines area...that whole US-1 corridor feels like home now.  I used to think I would never leave PA, but that mindset changed in summer 2010, and my job situation (combined with the job situation of a significant other) led me to actually change states.
• Despite that, I am dreading filing my taxes...mom may get a couple phone calls.  However, I feel less of a need to call my mother than I used to, which makes me happy since many of us have that need to rely on our caretakers.  Never a bad thing, but also nice to truly feel like an independent.
• I somehow drifted away from a list-making compulsion for the first time in...well, the first time ever.  No year-end albums list, no actual top five ranking (only that certain items would be 'top five' in a category).  I moved away from that since I was now at a longer distance.  When I came home I felt more of a need to speak up, but the familiarity allowed me to fall back into an old habit.
• I finished a course in CSS/XHTML via Sandhills Community College, my first time in a school setting since, well, my college graduation (I don't count some of those Comcast University training seminars).  This wasn't a tough course and was more instruction on a new language (not very abstract), yet the work I did have to put in made me feel like I could still pursue graduate school.  Now I need to get ready for that wake-up call later this year.  GRE prep is about to begin later this month.
• Going back to the moving, I have still not participated in any autism-spectrum-related organizations, especially since I left two local chapters behind (though one comes from a continental organization).  I would still love to set up a Triangle chapter for the GRASP partnership once I am comfortable and have some help, but I'm concerned about how long I will be spending in North Carolina (whether it is Raleigh, Chapel Hill, Apex, or even Greensboro), stretching myself thin in terms of time, or possibly trying to run it too much like the Philadelphia chapter (Bob gives me a high standard to live up to...if he's reading this, he deserves even more props than he likely already gets). Here's hoping I can balance this.
  
• They call us creative, but not focused.  I'm creative enough to almost have an EP of musical beats and breaks finished, but not focused enough to have it done yet.  My goal is to finally have it out this spring, and hopefully to get a few people to listen to my 'side project' which my brother's rap career helped inspire.

Otherwise, I'm out of things to say.  I'll likely post again by February!

Expect the Unexpected

I know it's been six days since my last entry.  The wait for an entry may be that long depending on what's happening.  Most of the time you can expect 1-2 weekly blog entries.

I have had anger management issues over the years.  Doesn't mean I'm totally hostile, as for the most part I'm docile.  Problem is that I'm implosive.  It was not until meeting with a psychologist in college that I figured out that the chunk of the rationale behind my anger issues is simply one thing many AS folks don't take very well to: negative unpredictability.  When something happens that I totally don't see coming, I feel blindsided, and I react. This happens too often, as I often play out scenarios in my head and get stuck to them more than I should.

For instance, there was a time I took an exam in college and thought I did pretty good on it, thinking I scored 85-90.  Got it back and I only had a 73.  From there I went on to embarrass myself during the class, going on an attack of all the questions and trying to find every reason why it was wrong, asking hollow questions of "why" and "how" when the answers were in front of me.  I just thought I knew and didn't know that day, but refused to accept it as I already had in my head that I would score near the projected mark.  If I had thought there was a good chance I did badly, I would kick myself but I wouldn't have a mini-outburst like I did in that actual class environment.  The same result would happen after each of the two scenarios, where I would talk to the prof one-on-one about the exam and get tips on improving.  Thankfully, my professors didn't think I was totally psycho (or at least that's what they told me); they just thought I was somewhat intense.

Then there's the part of the unexpected that parents and psychologists focus on so much: the change in plans.  I can deal with these well enough when there is some flexibility expected or if I am only half-excited about something.  However, if I have a vision set up in my head, then there may be a problem.  Just a few weeks back, I was back in my hometown and went with my parents to see Avatar.  We didn't quite get to the theater in time to find three seats, and I had a conniption searching the theater desperately for three seats, because I expected that we would all sit together as a rule of thumb.  After the scare of embarrassment from the parents, I calmed down and took a seat on my own and let them sit together where two seats were available.  However, I was in a state where the impossible was happening, and I was willing to go through a tantrum to keep it from happening...which ultimately failed.  There is also the abrupt change in plans when I am excited and looking forward to something, which became a big sit down conversation with me for those who are close to me.  This is because they knew I likely would not deal with the news well unless it was totally explained to me.

Often I relegate my life to a script inside my head, with a little room for improvisation where I see fit.  Sometimes the scripts are long-term, other times just for a routine part of the day.  This leaves me for a lot of room to be disappointed, as I cannot control the actions of others (ultimately, nor should I).  I never actually wrote down about what I expected from life, except for those goals lists that all people end up doing at various points in the life cycle.  The problem I have with writing down goals are that I consider these goals to be realistic and concrete.  When it feels like the carpet is pulled out from under me, I feel totally screwed and go from this lovable sweetheart of a person to a rampant whiner, complete with baby rattle.  Now this isn't to say I do it often today, but it's a hard part to control.  I can get mad at the big events not happening as planned, or at the smallest white lie going awry.

The way I got around this was through psychology and a series of talks, but it's not something that will just go away, as pessimistic as that may sound.  It's really a matter of me learning to accept that when I play scenarios out in my head, they may not always happen.  Instead, I end up playing the best and worse case scenarios in my head in advance to help me out.  For example, I won't always get super confident that a girl will say yes to a date; I will picture what happens if she says she's got a man, if she is just afraid to let me down, or if she is going to jump back scared and then run into the night...this way I'll know it's coming and won't yell "I'm not trying to be creepy!"  Seriously, though, playing different 'scripts' in my head is the backup plan that I never implemented as a kid (I hated backup plans the same way I hated doing more than one rough draft to a paper).  It's also how I have managed to keep myself sane through the idea that a change can happen suddenly or that what I thought would surely take place did not.  Helps me to keep from that spontaneous combustion moment known as implosion.