I was confronted with a decision on what song I should continue to work on for the upcoming music project that I will release next month (self-promotion moment). I've been told the beat tape should be longer, but I'm afraid of releasing lackluster tracks on it. Not sure what would be better when I weigh pros and cons, and I might still think about it once released. There's another time I was considering a fantasy baseball trade and took advice from three others on if I should pull this off...and let the deal stall for weeks before nixing it. This is fantasy baseball we're talking about and I couldn't make a decision on if my team would be better.
My issue with decisions really comes from a simple desire above all: to do the right thing.
 |
| Somehow the supermarket isn't as confusing. Mainly because I know what I want already. |
I hate being given too many choices; the more equal choices I have, the harder it is to pick one. I get scared when I'll choose what is the "wrong" one and suffer the consequence of regret or blame. For years, I was almost always about chicken meals at restaurants, particularly fast food. I didn't want to make the tough decision in that case, and thankfully I did not have to. I know what works, if I stick with that, then I can't make a mistake. I think that's also a small part of what made me so good with learning maps and following routes after repetition. It's "kind of like a rat learning a maze," to quote something I saw on the Wrong Planet forum. If I follow familiar and tested routes, then I'm less likely to hit a dead end and collapse from anxiety.
The reverse is when I act on impulse. I sometimes act because there's a need for me to do something right away, going back to a need to prove myself. When driving, I'll make a rash decision on what direction to take just to show others that I know exactly where I'm going, even though my "human GPS" tag only applies to places I've studied on the map for a long time. I've also made some rash decisions at work to show my value, which hadn't consistently paid off.
The decision to me, is more of a validation, to put it in blunt terms. I want to be right for myself and everyone else and show the world what I can do. All interconnected.
