I Can't Decide

One thing that some aspies have more problems with than others is decisiveness.  I even have that issue on deciding what to write for this blog some days, hence weeks without posts.  Well, that and time.

I was confronted with a decision on what song I should continue to work on for the upcoming music project that I will release next month (self-promotion moment).  I've been told the beat tape should be longer, but I'm afraid of releasing lackluster tracks on it. Not sure what would be better when I weigh pros and cons, and I might still think about it once released.  There's another time I was considering a fantasy baseball trade and took advice from three others on if I should pull this off...and let the deal stall for weeks before nixing it.  This is fantasy baseball we're talking about and I couldn't make a decision on if my team would be better.

My issue with decisions really comes from a simple desire above all: to do the right thing.

Somehow the supermarket isn't as confusing.
Mainly because I know what I want already.

I hate being given too many choices; the more equal choices I have, the harder it is to pick one. I get scared when I'll choose what is the "wrong" one and suffer the consequence of regret or blame. For years, I was almost always about chicken meals at restaurants, particularly fast food. I didn't want to make the tough decision in that case, and thankfully I did not have to.  I know what works, if I stick with that, then I can't make a mistake.  I think that's also a small part of what made me so good with learning maps and following routes after repetition.  It's "kind of like a rat learning a maze," to quote something I saw on the Wrong Planet forum. If I follow familiar and tested routes, then I'm less likely to hit a dead end and collapse from anxiety.

The reverse is when I act on impulse. I sometimes act because there's a need for me to do something right away, going back to a need to prove myself.  When driving, I'll make a rash decision on what direction to take just to show others that I know exactly where I'm going, even though my "human GPS" tag only applies to places I've studied on the map for a long time. I've also made some rash decisions at work to show my value, which hadn't consistently paid off.

The decision to me, is more of a validation, to put it in blunt terms.  I want to be right for myself and everyone else and show the world what I can do.  All interconnected.