Friday, February 3, 2012

When I'm That Guy Who Just "Watches"

Last night I took part in a Groundhog Day celebration, and drank my share in what was a very fun night.  I didn't quite feel sober enough to get home around the time that others were leaving to walk/drive/call a taxi back to their homes.  This put me in a position I never cared for, which is the last one left at the party.  On top of that, my getup was more formal, which is due to the Bill Murray theme (I chose Herman Blume of Rushmore).

I had already called my tab, so I had walked out of the bar, and decided to sit down on what was practically a stoop on North Street.  I just sat there for at least ten minutes, watching some of the townspeople venture to the next stop on their after hours journeys, sitting there looking like a bit of a dunce in an empty suit.  I think I got a couple weird looks as well, as if I was some drunk down on his luck.  I start thinking of life like a movie and this is the part where I look bewildered as I walk away from the camera, and then take a seat.  Camera comes close to my face, bringing me to this point.

A significant amount of aspies that I have met in person like to observe people on a daily basis, much like many an NT will want to sit and look at the world.  I often do it because some concepts are still so alien, especially when I'm not totally in my element.  When others are off on an adventure for their night, they don't expect a man to sit on a corner looking at stars and buildings semi-intently.  I question if I would be considered one of the following as a man sitting on the corner without any props:

  1. Some person stalking a woman to take home late in the night.
  2. The wino looking for his next drink and is totally confused.
  3. A person waiting for just the right taxi but forgetting how to chase one down.
  4. A vigilante on the stakeout at such a late hour, hiding in plain sight.
  5. An overall creep.

It's not a great distinction.  On the flip side, I also know that not everyone thinks I'm one of the above, just one of the night souls.  It's not the movie that I see myself in, but the action of sitting.  The one common ground with aspies?  We're often acting like scientists, conducting our own little experiments on each person and place, and no one knows it.  Which is just how we like it.  At the same time, I pick these moments to sit and think about something happening in my life, and possibly relating to someone else when I look around, rather than staring at a crack in the sidewalk.

I like to sit down at any time and unwind, like an NT probably does.  As established before, I'm a loner by nature, and it's nice to sometimes sit around and have those uninterrupted moments of introspection.  It's just that I won't always do it at the hours I expect to people-watch.  All because of the movie in my head, when the scene starts with me asking "how do these people do whatever they do?"  Cue the lab.