- "Mom and Dad are just trying to watch their TV show so Dad can sleep considering his long hours."
- "It's not as if your friends didn't ask you to go to brunch just because they didn't want to ask you. They just figured you were asleep" or "They just saw you take out that orange and assumed you had lunch."
- "Your boss just reassigned that part of the project to help you lighten your workload and focus on another important assignment. It's not because she thinks you are incapable."
- "He didn't correct you to show you up; he only did it knowing that you're not using the practical etiquette, which might not impress the man you are visiting next week."
- "You were struggling. You looked like you were struggling. So obviously they offered to help and just happened to tell a joke about your struggle."
- "Your girlfriend isn't mad at anything you said; remember that she's often quite busy. She knows you disappear for stretches too and wonders what happened."
Sunday, February 27, 2011
This Time, It's Not Personal
A few psychologists have shown that a share of Aspies have this tendency to look past the normal when something happens and consider it something of a personal attack, which can be surprising because the typical convention is that people will take a lot of the literal things we say on a personal basis themselves. Still, many of us consider something others say to be personal.
I am definitely one of those people.
The problem is that when someone does something to me that indirectly affects me after I was just in the middle of interacting with the person, then my first impulse is that what happened is about me. Since I get so concerned about what I am doing at one time, I would think that they are showing the same concern with what I am doing because, well, it's so interesting to me. I don't come out and say that, but I'm afraid of what they might be thinking about what I'm doing at the given moment in time.
So instead I'll ask the person if it was something I said or go crazy and say "hey, I did this differently" because I do not like when I am completely misunderstood (versus marginally misunderstood, which happens often enough). Or there are times I might just be an attention whore as well, which can happen to anyone.
I am left having to tell myself that it's not what I think in various scenarios, to varying degrees of success.
There really isn't any other method that I can think of, beyond telling myself that others may take comments I say on a personal level. However, I tend to just confuse others when I say things literally nowadays in contrast to when I was a kid. I am someone who wants to avoid consequences, and when someone shows a reaction or non-reaction that may not be positive, then I start thinking that the impression I left was not what it was supposed to have been.
So yes, quite often I am one who will take a lot of actions and verbal cues on a personal level.
Sad part is, I don't know any other way to be.